ramblings, basically.

Let's see. Countdown update.
4 days to the beginning of the written papers.
22 days to the last paper.
29 days to prom.
59 days to Christmas!
(which means...)
69 days to 2006!
Haha I'm psycho I know.

Budak Pantai Christmas gig at Esplanade! I wanna go! Maybe I will. Think I'm gonna go around convincing some people. hehe (Yes, they're a local A Cappella group.)

Today's Physics practical was... *ponder* let's just say I was really sleepy - for sleeping at 10ish. Doubt I'd succumb to sleepiness next time and stay up longer so I won't die out in the morning. Went to the airport to study with Seige earlier, and finally!! I've found a good place to study there!! :D Woot! Then went about shopping for stuff to fill my stomach for breakfast (what's plural for breakfast? breakfasts? breakfastes? breakfasae? Hmm..) that's healthy. Haha. It's been so long since I hung out with her and today just proves that our connection never dies. So flippin hilarious today. :p

I really don't wanna think about how much studying I have left.

posted by sh @ 7:19 pm 0 comments

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Song: TLC - Unpretty

You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that mac can make
But if you can't look inside youFind out who am i, too
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I'm tired of being self-conscious; worrying about the way I look and trying to impress. I think I'm gonna get myself an oversized sweater with a hood, not bother about deodorants or shaving or good or bad hair days, slip into a comfortable pair of pants, put on my beloved pair of sports shoes, don't care about lip glosses and walk about like anywhere's my territory. When you're least conscious of the way you look, you're most comfortable in your own skin. Even if it means being a total turn off. :P

Oh yeah and I was reading my written diary the other day all the way back from the beginning of the year to date. Quite interesting to read how some people and I have changed. Or many whom you wonder have contradicted themselves... and you wonder if they're still the same. I hope they are. Or maybe I just wish so. Never mind the incoherent part of the entry.

Anyway, I witnessed this couple quarrel today. And the girl walked out on the guy. It was quite scary actually, witnessing a drama live. The girl tugged onto the guy vying for his attention while he stared nonchalantly through the glass casing of a comic store. She pouted and what not, trying to talk to him but he didn't bother. So finally she got tired of it, she walked towards the railings and watched the escalators move up and down.

Then, the guy, being typically like a guy, began walking towards her and hugged her from behind trying to pacify her. Yeah like pacifying works, really. I'm here to say it doesn't. :p Girls can tell when you're trying to pacify or being sincere. When it's the former, it's the wrong note to hit. Not one that would resolve matters anyway!

So the girl violently withdrew, elbowed him off her and continued watching the escalators, throwing a temper like any moody girl does. Typical of both genders, really. :p Then he tried to pacify her, again. (Why don't people learn?) She totally pushed him off her and turned her back on him. She then spoke in malay, which I supposed was somewhere along the lines of asking him to back off.

Finally, the dude walked like a metre away, paused and then started asking her something. She stomped her foot (I swear!) and told him to shut up. The guy went on saying something and finally she decided that was enough, she walked past him, headed for the escalators, went down. When she was on the level below, she looked at him and he ignorantly stuck his tongue out at her and made a noise. She was furious. He was immature. Lol

So finally, she went down another level and walked off. The dude looked down as though waiting for an expected return of her like he's some big shot and that the girl would come running back to him soon after. Tough luck, big guy. After five minutes of waiting and realising she wasn't coming back, he went down and looked for her. He was so annoying with that stupid smug look on his face. Way to go, girl! :p I know I'm being biased since I don't know what exactly happened but oh well! Haha!

Oh yeah, I like Goal! :) Quite a lovely day today except I was really tired. Oh well. Physics practicals tomorrow!

PS: I figured that the next person who appears before me and asks me to do a survey, instead of smiling I'm just gonna say, 'No. I'm 16.' It's been that way so far. They force me to stop and do the survey and then realise I'm still in a secondary school, with that disbelief because I look older than I am, and finally they let me go. So, in future...

Surveyor: Hi can you help us to do a survey?
I: No. I'm 16.
Surveyor: Oh.

Ooh, that's a problem solved!

posted by sh @ 7:25 pm 2 comments

I am ashamed to say that...

After 16 years and 4 days of my life...

I've just found out that Donald Duck (left)...



...is not Daffy Duck (right).

Shit this is so embarrassing.

To save my face a little, here's some wacko news! Some country (I think it was Finland) banned Donald Duck because he/it isn't wearing pants. HOLY $!@#

Still so darn embarrassing. Burying my head underground second time in a row. Don't even ask me about Lisa Simpson.

posted by sh @ 9:04 am 6 comments

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

At first, I thought there is no such thing as the existence of good local music.

And then there was Electrico and Rafe. I was astonished. Appalled, perhaps. Surprised. Impressed. Rafe is, by the way, the winner of PowerJam 2004. I thought woooooohhhhh there IS hope! And then I recently chanced upon a site specially made to support local bands and saw the pictures of PowerJam 2004.

Well.

Let's just say all of them look really typically Singaporean. It kills the spirit a little. It's like you were so impressed and then you realise... they are not quite far from what you imagined initially. Okay I'm being mean and shallow.

Nevermind, to prove that I'm not shallow, Rafe's album is coming out on the 26th Oct! After getting Ryan Cabrera's (SOON!) I shall get Rafe's. *hop!*

Followed by Electrico if possible. Just sampled their stuff on their official site. They sound good! I liiike! Oh yeah and they're the best looking local band around, I figured. Not gorgeous or really cute but the ones who can pull off the look the best. :) There is hope for us! :p

That aside, I absolutely love my cousin. I totally adore her that if I were a guy I'd probably attempt to woo her. Oh heck that, I'm already lesbian since I'm in love with her. Haha, no but seriously, she knew I was down during the weekends, so she got me...

...as a surprise! :D through a string from her window to mine! Whee! :) I love her!

posted by sh @ 5:03 pm 0 comments

Monday, October 24, 2005

Song: Disney - Joy To The World

Ah, I bought the Disney: A Magical Christmas like when I was primary one or something. It's so godly adorable, it has the various Disney characters like Mickey Mouse, Daffy Duck (his voice is SO obvious), etc, and kids to sing the Christmas tunes. So adorable!

Yesterday while I was drying the wet dishes in the kitchen, my brother was putting them back into the cabinet.
Bro: Eee, it's still wet.
I: The towel's wet lah.
Bro: Want me to smack you?
I: I'll smack you twice.
Bro: Use your t-shirt to dry it.
I: Hello?
Bro: It's called professionalism.

Anyway, my granny is currently going on about my mum - how she doesn't care when her children's examinations are around the corner, she still switches on the TV volume to pretty loud, and laughs at her programmes so loudly, and sleeps in the afternoon not caring about her kids.

Oh my god. I have nothing to say.

Who am I kidding, really? The irony. She's complaining about my mum for disturbing us when we're studying. I really was studying and she's going on and on about my mum. Hmm I wonder what pot calling the kettle black is in Teochew.

And if she's going nuts because you accused her of not ironing my brother's clothes when she did (and she was delighted when my brother argued with my granny this morning because he knew she did iron it. And oh yeah their argument woke me up this morning.) and she needs sleeping pills because you put her under that load of stress - stress of not pleasing the mother-in-law, stress of not finishing the household chores, stress of being bitched about when something goes wrong (and is often unaware of what she's being bitched about), I don't really see why she cannot take naps in the afternoon.

And I don't see why her line-dancing friends should be accused of leading her astray. Because they earned her a life, apart from being cooped up at home, facing four walls, a broom, a moping stick, sewing machine, the wok, etc and most importantly, her face. It's almost very crucial to have a life apart from all that or I would have a mum living her life in an asylum.

Then, she goes on about how my aunt (mum's sis) used to make my mum this way because she drilled in the concept of my granny practising favouritism on my brother, and being biased towards me. Face it, at least for a while you were. And my aunt's pretty much innocent now, so leave her alone, really. Why rake up the past, eh?

Oh yeah and my granny mentioned something about guys at her line-dancing class. She asked me, a few weeks back, if there are guys at the line-dancing class. Haha. Haha. Hahahahaha. And you would think she'd be asking me if I was hanging out with boys, if they're good company and all or not. Noooo, she asks me about my mum. That's quite hilarious, you think? :p I've seen her classes before, the dudes there dance with their wives, which is why for the longest time she did try to convince my dad to join the classes with her. But knowing my dad, he'd rather die than do such a thing. Haha.

And besides, my mum hasn't had a social circle in ages until line-dancing came along. Suddenly when she goes out with 'friends' to have meals or attend birthday gatherings, there's always that suspicion my granny has. It's quite weird. Like why can't my mum have such gatherings when my brother goes to them all the time?

Whee, I'm biased.

I really wanted to stop there but she just started again. So I shall continue too! She's saying something about my mum not being very friendly with the relatives (on dad's side). Well, for one, they aren't very lovely, smiley, 'hi, how're ya?' sort of people. My mum's side is though I'm far from being close to them. For two, you bitch about her to them all the time, you're expecting her to be friendly to people who're not on her side already without justification? For three, you bitch about the relatives on her side, why should she be delighted and gladly socialising with the relatives on your side?

I wish Seige's computer wasn't down cos she would be able to understand all these. :p

posted by sh @ 1:48 pm 6 comments

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Scratch the previous post. I'm feeling a lot better :)

Only complaint of the day: My granny thinks I've been sleeping a lot. WELL, ma'am, I went to bed later than you, woke up earlier than you, and I did work. Do I not have the right to sleep for like half an hour in the afternoon? My eyes are tired, my nose was blocked, I had a little headache.

I went to bed at like near 1, after watching the Wedding Planner. Woke up at 530 as mentioned (she wakes up at 7ish 8!) past few days been waking up at 6. SO, why can't I have naps, huh, huh, huh? And she thinks I should sleep earlier and not take naps in the afternoon. Like what is the difference, really? Besides, I study better when people are asleep. That meaning super early in the morning or super late at night. So I might as well rest during midday. Ugh.

Oh yeah the point of the post, I'm feeling better, yay. :)

posted by sh @ 7:46 pm 2 comments

Warning: This isn't gonna be one of those cheery posts. Neither is it gonna make a lot of sense. It's just one of those days...

It's a gloomy Sunday, it really is. The sky's overcrowded with clouds turning grey. The air is cool, like it's gonna pour in a second. It's quiet. My parents are up. My granny's at the market. My brother's asleep. There's no one online. And I haven't exactly spoken to anyone since yesterday. Except my brother, perhaps, when he drowned me with more lame stuff and made me laugh my ass off.

Okay so maybe my ass is still intact.

Anyway, I had a bad dream last night. It was kind of a nightmare. It wasn't scary in the sense that my heart would skip a beat and all, and I'd suddenly jump out of bed, breaking into cold sweat and all. It's just scary at the thought of it? And it isn't the first time I've dreamt of something along those lines. Except now it is slightly more... real. I woke up really scared. Yet knowing there's nobody to tell because it's in the wee hours. Only people I know are awake... well, I don't think I should bug her/him/them.

Yeah so I woke up at 5.30am on a Sunday. I tried to get back to sleep but I didn't like the idea of possibly dreaming of that again. So after lazing around a bit, I got out of bed and wandered around the house, making breakfast while my mum was just about to get up. Then I just brought breakfast to my room and found myself wondering what I'm doing for most bits. I was a bit... lost. I don't think I've felt this lost in a long, long time.

Oh well, it's just one of those days you wish is over in a jiffy so a brand new day could begin. Yet it feels like time is crawling. It's been so long and it's only 9am. Kinda wished I had somewhere to go. Feel like yelling at my brother to get up so I can have some comic relief. :p

Maybe I should.

That being said, I absolutely love Alanis Morissette's Hand In My Pocket.

I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby

I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone

I'm hard but I'm friendly
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit

posted by sh @ 8:57 am 0 comments

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Song: O-Town - Love Should Be A Crime

Some people are so sweet. Lol. In the weirdest ways anyway. I was talking to this friend of mine who was classmates with me in Primary 1 and 2. He lives the block next to mine and we used to take the school bus together, it's quite hilarious. My school is about 15 to 20 minutes walk away, but because we were young then, our parents got us to take the school bus.

So anyway, I'm not in a very cheery mood. And all of a sudden, he started speaking to me again. So he began trying to cheer me up. He wanted me to write him a Friendster testimonial and I refused. :p So anyway we were talking about our testimonials from the school at the end of the year... and he was slightly worried about it.

[A: him, I: me]
A: im a regular customer in the detention room
A: reason: being late to school
I: bout time to wake up earlier to go to school, ya think?
A: naw its all the computer's fault
I: computer?
A: ya it seduces me to play
I: HAHA
I: that's a good one
I: well done for amusing me!
A: i think ur getting better i suppose
A: i dont expect any testimono
A: just u being well
I: are you doing reverse psychology on me?
I: lol
A: actually no
A: lol
I: awww that's sweet.
A: lol thats for letting me copy your chinese test when primary 1 lol

I swear I'm not calculative. :p And it's fascinating to realise people have copied Chinese from me in Primary School in order to pass. I think if they continued doing that now, they would've ended up failing it. Then again, who the heck remembers what happens in Primary 1? I certainly don't.

posted by sh @ 3:02 pm 0 comments

Friday, October 21, 2005

Song: Papa Roach - Blood (Empty Promises)

Rubbish conversation with bro, #4.
(While watching a Chinese drama (Tong Xin Yuan. LOL) on TV...)
I: Oh! I know who he is! He's after the girl from China!
He: What girl from China?
I: That Chinese girl lah.
He: What Chinese girl?
I: Hello? Aren't you a big fan of this show?
He: Of course I am!
I: Then?!
He: I am. I am. I'm a big fan!
I: You're a bigger fan of it than I am, so why don't you know the Chinese girl.
He: What Chinese girl?
I: Oi! I'm not as big a fan you know.
He: Aiya, I'll trade you for an electronic fan.

(Later in the show, this girl cuts her finger. This other lady asks the dude who checked in on her if it's a deep cut.)
He: It's not a deep cut if it's not the first.
I: Huh?
He: Because the first cut is the deepest.
I: (exasperated) Oh my god.
He: What? Sheryl say one!

(The lady proceeds to mention something about Antenatal Syndrome, about natal blues.)
He: Is it Ray Charles - blues?
I: Dude.
He: Or is it red, blue, blues?

I'm seriously worried about my brother. Think I should bring him for counselling one of these days. Recommendations, people, keep them pouring in, please. Nonetheless at least he's my comic relief. Anytime any day, his degree of lameness is so overpowering, I find it so amusing yet worrying at the same time. :p But there's no doubt I'm glad he's home. When he's away from home (he stays in a hostel in the university), the only good thing is I have peace, and I can hog the computer all I want. Apart from that, at least I have a walking joke book. On occasions I feel like the elder sibling. :p

That aside, Zheya, Sharon and I had a very interesting conversation yesterday. I would've copied some bits here but while I re-read it again, I realized we might get sued - for criticizing the principal (who knows!), MOE and the scholarship for being a President's Scholar. We flooded the screen with umpteen 'shit' upon realizing where our beloved, most well-liked well-loved principal is gonna be come next year. In less than 5 minutes, though, we began this whole optimistic outlook thingy and everyone began chanting 'we will survive!' How very interesting! :p But I love those 2 people. They make me feel loved! Awww :p

Anyway I think I have an emotional problem. I can't feel pissed without a reason. If I'm pissed without a valid reason (or at least it's not viewed as valid to me), I would then get pissed off with myself. Oh the brilliance of it all. *pats self on the back* What a smartie you are. So basically, I get upset, and then I think it's stupid, so I get upset with myself. Whoa! Ingenius! I'm just being retarded, don't mind me. :)

I have lots more to say but I can't be bothered today. I'm tired! (And Zheya says my entries are all so long! :p)

posted by sh @ 8:53 pm 13 comments

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Song: Gavin DeGraw - Just Friends

Rubbish conversation with bro, #3
He: Is it gonna rain?
I: Yup
He: Is it gonna rain from now on?I: Yea
He: How am I gonna get a tan?
I: How am I gonna get a tan.
He: Add 9 to 1 and you'll get ten.

I think the conversations we have is enough for me to write a Book of Lameness, and it'd be just filled with everything he says. I wonder if there'll actually be people reading it though.

Anyway, there's this creepy neighbour living in the same block as I am. Not on the same level but we share the lift on my level. (The lift we have doesn't stop at every level.) He's an old man, about 70ish years of age. He has a mixture of grey and white hair on his head. And, he always walks about in this pyjamas set (normally white in colour with faint stripes). And he's always cheery.

Okay he's not psychotic. I know the picture I'm painting of him sounds a bit like he's got a screw loose somewhere, and is this eerie stalker around the neighbourhood. No, he isn't. He's nice. He's just… odd, to me.

There was this once when my brother and I were out, and we just came back. When we were downstairs, walking towards the lift, he saw us. Upon recognising my brother, he began waving enthusiastically with this megawatt smile on his face, saying hi to my brother. My bro just said hi back, and then we continued walking.
I: Who's he?
He: I don't know.
I: Huh?
He: I don't know him but he always says hi to me.
I: Err... he looked extremely happy to see you.

Okay, so friendly neighbour tactics. :p Just yesterday, when I was coming home, he was waiting for the lift as well. When he saw me, he flaunted this wide smile. I just smiled back, wondering if he does actually know me. But you know, there's difference in smiles when you're smiling to someone you know, and when you're smiling cos you're just trying to be courteous. And that was definitely the former. So it was slightly weird.

And to further prove my point that he's a nice guy, when we reached my level, I was waiting for him to walk out of the lift before I did. However, to my astonishment (lol this is mean. Why should I be astonished?), he stretched his arm and invited me out of the lift first before he walked out of it.

A Chinese 70ish old man, mind you. I don't see that happening around in Singapore much now. Nice guy eh?

I think my granny talks to him occasionally. I remember vaguely, my granny telling me they met at market and he offered to help her carry all her groceries back, and he did. He just tries to spend his time away for the lack of activities he can do but at least he does it gentlemanly. And healthily cos he walks to the market like a million times a day.

A very nice guy. Just a bit creepy cos I still don't know who he is.

And no, sparks will not fly between him and my granny. I bet you were thinking of that.

posted by sh @ 11:56 am 14 comments

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Song: Rooster - Deep And Meaningless

Wow, this is pretty cool. Currently testing out the new Blogger feature on Microsoft Word. Now it looks as though I've an essay to type out but I'm, in actual fact, blogging! Ha! What a lovely cover. :p

Had Literature lesson in the morning, which was so extremely short. And, during most parts of it, we were talking about unrelated issues like prom, JCs, etc. :p The prom bit was really hyping everybody up, I'm so excited. Even though it's an all-girls prom, and we're basically flaunting what we have to one another. But despite it all, I guess we don't really mind the all-girls environment. After all, 4 years of it does say a lot.

And the other day when I was at TJC open house, it felt sort of weird that we'd be seeing guys in our classes and all. Actually, that day, I met a Primary schoolmate there. He shouted my name before I actually took notice of his presence. (lol oops.) And it's so odd cos I hardly hear guys shouting my name. To have them back as schoolmates or classmates is just plain odd. I wonder how next year's going to be like; after all it's going to be the same no matter where I end up next year. So odd.

And for your info, that doesn't mean I don't have guy friends. :p It's a different matter altogether. And it's going to be pretty weird adjusting to having to watch the way we sit. All these years in TKGS hasn't done us very good in terms of etiquette. Lol.

On a different note, caught Into The Blue with Helmi today. (Shush, I know I'm not really supposed to be out and about at this point of time… one day won't hurt! :p) I kind of liked the twists in the storyline though. At least it's not all that predictable though the ending wasn't very… fantastic. And the gory bits in the movie were grossing me out. Yet, at the end of the show, we saw little kids walking out of the movie. Hmmm. Nonetheless I quite liked it. No doubt there seemed like an over exaggeration on Jessica Alba's bod, the way she swam in the ocean and all that bikini action. Yeah okay I get it that all girls are jealous of that bod. The director didn't have to make it any worse for us, really, did he? Ugh. Well okay at least the guys could let their eyes have a feast with all the Jessica Alba action. And I can't help to think Ashley Scott resembles Cameron Diaz a whole darn lot.

And I just found out Oliver Twist is coming out on the 10th of November! Definitely must catch that after the big O's. :p I do like Oliver Twist, so sue me.

Oh yeah speaking of guys, I was on the train to school yesterday (and today cos I wasn't exactly early) and this dude took the seat on my left. To his left was another guy. So anyway, he sat down. Then he started shifting. To me, mind you. Every second, an inch closer. I was clearly squashed as the dude on my right was reading the papers, so you know, he had to stretch out his arms to read them. And as I glanced over, there was damned space between the 2 dudes. But no, he kept moving towards me. He was practically almost leaning against me. So I kept shifting towards the guy reading papers. The guy on the left wanted to sleep I think, so he stopped shifting after positioning himself nicely on my side, and then leaned his head on the back.

For a moment I felt like his head was gonna tilt towards my direction. I was kind of touchy, and annoyed with the shifting. I was squashed, okay?

So, I got up, went to him, shouted at him, ''Dude, you're not fat, so don't squash me. Get your ass over to the other side damn it. I'm flattered you think I don't need that much space but I do. And if you're deliberately doing it, dude, you don't hit on someone in school uniform seemingly half your age, you old retard. Go away. ''

Of course it was just my imagination but it's quite a nice thought. Wonder what would've happened if I said all that, eh? Perhaps the principal would get a 'complaint letter from the public' the next day. And we would all find out about it the next time we attend morning assembly. :p

But I did get up - before my stop. Cos I was annoyed. And I made sure he knew I got up not because I was about to alight. So I stood up and made a face, before waiting for my stop. He then shifted over to my seat and then seemingly shifted towards the dude reading the papers. Perhaps he has a thing for guys too. :p

Of course I'm just being biased since he annoyed me, that's all. :)

posted by sh @ 8:03 pm 14 comments

Monday, October 17, 2005

My dad was taking his blood pressure earlier on and I insisted on having mine taken as well, so he allowed me to. Here are the results:

Systolic Pressure: 98mmHg
Disastolic Pressure: 66mmHg
Pulse/min: 59

Compare it to the average:
Systolic Pr: below 120mmHg
Diastolic Pr: below 80mmHg
Pulse/min: About 72

Yes, I know my pressure's perfectly healthy. But...

I think my heart died or something. (This is so un-bio-student-like.) Why is my pulse so low? It's like comparable to some old and sickly person who spends his/her days watching tv/sleeping, with nothing much to do in life.

Or, I could be wrong. Still. 59 / min is waaaay too freaky.

posted by sh @ 6:22 pm 5 comments

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Bro: I wanna go Bali.
I: But now Bali has all that (diasters and the recovery from them)...
Bro: I wanna go help out.
I: Oh. [Quite amazed] Aww.
Bro: And then while I'm there I'll learn to surf.
I: Hello?
Bro: [Pretends to be making a speech] We should not let the terrorists stop us. If we do, they're succeeding. So, we must lead our lives as per normal.
I: Right.
Bro: You see? So I wanna go Bali...
I: Right.
Bro: To help out.
I: And learn to surf.

Sometimes I wonder if he's considered super duper smart. Or just plain psychotic.

posted by sh @ 12:39 pm 2 comments

Saturday, October 15, 2005

It's been the greatest 4 years of my entire life - I've spent it in TK. Nothing propaganda-ish about it, cos it's not all about the environment, the principal. *cough* I'm sure many would agree with me.

And yesterday was the last official school day. The last time we would ever step into that little cosy and dirty classroom of ours. The one we sat in, crying and laughing, chit-chatting away noisily in the middle of lessons, dozing off, whining and ranting for most parts of the time. It's where we had our discussions, our cheers, tons of birthday songs, our arguments, all our ups and downs. It was the last time we would sit in the hall, cross legged, not bothering if we're sitting properly anyway cos the whole world knows some of us are wearing shorts, and nobody's gonna care.

(Afterall, the next time we're stepping into the hall would be on chairs and tables, with examination scripts right before our eyes, invigilators completely stranger to us, a very, very tense atmosphere filling the vacant, hot hall, which we always complain of for the lack of air-conditioning.)

There have been so many issues we've complained about, of school, and right at this very moment, I've realised how much we've gone through, how much we've tolerated, how quickly we've adapted to everything we've complained about. From the new odd and even week schedule, to the stuffy hall, to the common, and extremely short, recesses, to the school being small and old, and lack of facilities, to the principal. I mean, okay we might not have accepted the principal but let's face it, we've tolerated her longer than we think we would. :p

And of course, most importantly, the lovely people I've met during the course of the 4 years. This isn't meant to get emotional but honestly, in primary school, I never thought I'd fit in much. I only had one good friend in Primary school. One. I survived on relying on her for 2 years. The rest of it, I was just a passing phase. I dreaded the beginning of secondary school so much. I hated coping with so many subjects. I hated the stress our art teacher gives us. I hated flunking because I've never flunked anything in Primary school. I hated the beginning of sec3 too cos everybody had their cliques and I had none. I hated trying to fit in all over again. But I found friends along the way who'd pick me up whenever I'm down. They didn't even have to know I'm down, and they would cheer me up without realising it. All the humourous moments, all the caring and sharing moments, I've loved it all.

Slowly, time passed me by. And here I am. I've survived everything I've whined and ranted about. I've tolerated everything I've cried over. Results. Stress. People. Responsibility. I don't think I would know what to do without the extended family I have. The school, without a doubt was my second home but it wasn't because I wanted it to be. It's only because I spent a lot of time in it. But second home or not, the people in there were definitely my extended family. Especially the second half of this year, I've grew to become very close to lots of people. Laughter wasn't absent any single day. Not that I can remember any, anyway.

Apparently I have my brother to thank. If I hadn't approached him for help in Pri 6, I might've ended up in Dunman High, or perhaps Temasek Sec. And then I wouldn't have been able to touch people's lives. HAHAHA. (Just pretend I have touched your life, peeps. :p Just pretend to make me happy. lol) But seriously, what would I have become if I were in those schools!?

And now I dread the thought of having to try to fit in again, next year. Hopefully all those invaluable lessons I've learnt through the course of the 4 years helped to mould me. I've changed a lot through the 4 years, and now I am very happy. I don't think I want me to change. And I hope those lovelies who've gone through the times with me wouldn't change much either, cos I'm gonna miss them. Bad.

posted by sh @ 11:47 am 11 comments

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Because the TV was occupied and I couldn't catch Joey, I decided to comfort myself with some banana split - idea of course was by the ever brilliant Seige. :p

Except, it turned out to be the ugliest banana split ever. At least you know its taste can't go wrong. :)



Lazy to write much today, so just gonna have a few pictures up. Last official school day tomorrow, so gonna bring my camera about and hopefully snap some pictures with the lovelies at school. I'm gonna miss it, I'm sure. Though I can't figure out how to 'miss' the lessons we're having at the moment. I'm sure I will in time to come though.

Other odd sights... this was taken at the 10bucks hairdressers.

Please no waiting? We wonder.


Thankfully the epidemic is slowly subsiding.


Found on a patch of grass. We wonder what happened to the vehicle it belonged to.

posted by sh @ 9:37 pm 2 comments

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Song: 3 Doors Down - The Road I'm On

I had no idea a mere CD could make you immersed in the music it contains, and is so awesome you can practically imagine the singer and the band there performing in a little area, like a bloody gig. I had no idea, till today. :p And boy was it good. Sure it would cost but wow, a gig every day? That's so bloody cool.

Bah. No, I'm not jealous. Nothing. :p Jealous? Whatever made you think so! :p

It's not fair. Now I'm listening to my songs on iTunes and it sounds like crap. OH I know the exact person to blame for this. Eeeek. Nevermind, I shall get used to my 'crap' music in no time, again. Yes, yes that's the plan.

There's been so much hype about the post o's lately. My lovelies and our little plan to unwind after the o's. And the plan for prom, etc. I'm so, so excited! So, so, so excited. It mightn't be held at the best place but the idea of it is still so exciting! First prom ever! :p Never mind that it's gonna be an all-girls prom. I have no idea what people do at an all-girls prom. But it shall be very, very interesting. :p I can picture myself grabbing anyone possible to snap pictures with. :)

And today, Lizzy got me this little note to wish me luck for the future. Having been classmates for her for the first 2 years of this entire secondary school experience, of course I wouldn't forget her. But I was truly surprised she actually wrote me one, since we haven't been talking much and such. The funniest thing, though, was that we knew each other slightly before sec 1. It was the IRC era then, and we have met each other through #a1 (oh my god, this brings back tons of memories) only to realise we've got ourselves enrolled in the same secondary school and ended up in the same class. How super coincidental is that?

Because of that, I stuck to her pretty much the entire orientation. I knew noone else, really. And it was fun. The good ol' crappy days. When everyone just wanted to be friends with one another. :p And god, I think we were both crazy over a1. I remember her giving up her a1 photos - she gave them to ME. So, apparently, both of us were a1 chasers. :p We were at a1's autograph session without knowing that the other party was there too. Brilliantly cool. :p

And then we drifted a bit, and the distance got worse when we separated into different classes in sec3. And then today I got the note - certainly surprised me and made me cheery. :) Always warms your heart to know you're not forgotten. :)

posted by sh @ 9:58 pm 0 comments

Monday, October 10, 2005

Song: Daniel Powter - Free Loop

I'm quite sick of telling people I have no idea where to go after O's. So I attempted to do a little research to narrow down the JCs that don't put me off.

Except, I can't stand it cos there're only 4 in the east. And I'd only consider 3 of the 4. And one of them is across the street. I'm having second thoughts about that.

The other 2... well I doubt I can make it in with my prelims results. Tough fight with the rest of the school population for the them too, since everybody seemingly wants to go there.

So, at least for the first few months, that leaves me with either going to the one across the road, or travel more than halfway across the island. Most are like Toa Payoh area, or Serangoon area (no I don't mean SRJC). From Tampines to there, every morning? Transport fees, too. Wouldn't be student fare after this year!

I'm so bored. I wish someone would sponsor me. I'd gladly check up on possible schools to study abroad. I want to study abroad, even if it means leaving the family for 2 years. If only... if only.

posted by sh @ 5:47 pm 8 comments

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Song: The Ataris - Boys Of Summer

It's finally hit me. I'm an odd breed. Hmm. The following are reasons why I'm weird.

1) I love boybands and am not afraid to admit it.
I absolutely adore boybands. I love the sappiness in their songs. I love the whole, "Here we go, one more time, everybody's feeling fine, here we go now. Yes yes yes, here we go! 'N Sync has got the flo'!" I have this huge playlist of boyband songs. I love their ballads, the whole I love you till the end of time, nobody can ever take you away from me stuff. I love sychronised dancing, I love the sychronised swaying from side to side.

(It doesn't help I'm listening to Backstreet Boys' songs non-stop, and Westlife's first album. Love, love, love it. And of course, a1.)

2) I love muscle aches.
I adore waking up after a day of activities, having my arms and legs aching. Refreshing feeling, in a way. And you know you've worked the muscles out. I love feeling that. Pity I haven't felt that in a while. My legs are aching a little bit, cos I was squatting down a lot yesterday. lol

3) I like the smell of medicated oil.
Ok, this is pretty freaky, isn't it? But if I were told to put medicated oil on my mosquito bites, or rub it on my tummy cos I'm having a tummyache, I would gladly do it. I like the smell of it. It clears my nose. :p Too much of it is obviously a no-no. I thought it smells alright until my brother said it stank yesterday when I put some on my bites. Then I realised, okay I am weird.

4) I like painting.
I like painting walls. Heh. Anyone needs to paint their room or something, I'd gladly help! It's fun. It's just a little tiring but it can be fun! I liiike painting. Oh, I suddenly have an idea of what to do in case I drop out of school. Haha

5) I like brocolli and salted veg. I hate hard carrots and potatoes.
I LOVE salted veg soup my mum makes. Love the sourish taste. Slightly spicy. Tangles everything in your mouth up and is VERY refreshing. I like the crunchiness of salted veg, and the taste of it. So not tasteless like a lot of the other greens. I like brocolli when it's cooked with the right gravy. And I like them soft. Yum yum yum.

My bro absolutely loves hard carrots so I'm not sure if I'm the one weird or my brother is. But those western dishes that serve little servings of greens at the sides usually have baby carrots that are darn crunch and tough? I hate them. :p

I hate hard potatoes but I love mashed potato, potato wedges, fries and potato chips. I don't mind potatos that are soft (normally the cubes of it found in soups) but I hate the ones wrapped with aluminium foil, also found as little servings with western dishes. They're tough and yucky. Eew.

6) I judge a movie by the way it makes me cry.
Under normal circumstances, those that make me cry a lot are good movies. I actually enjoy crying while watching a good movie sometimes. (Enjoy crying? hmm.)

7) I love Christmas though I don't celebrate it.
I love the warm and fuzzy feeling. I love the rainy season cos it finally gets cool. And I can wear jackets even at home cos it rains so much I'm so cold. The tops I own with long sleeves are practically only worn during this time of the year. And I love spending it with Seige, high on caffeine, singing Christmas tunes (slightly off-tune). My family doesn't even celebrate it but I still follow the practice of exchanging gifts and all. I loveeeee Christmas. Can't wait for it! Ugh!!

8) I rather pay more to watch live performances than pay less to be able to listen to the CDs again and again.
I love watching live performances. I rather be at the event itself to catch it live than watch it at home comfortably or even be able to record my favourite performances so I can watch them over and over. I'd rather have a feel of the atmosphere there and then. I won't mind queuing and all that as long as I enjoy the live show. And if I really like the band I would rather save up to watch their gig live, than to save up for their album. Actually I'd do both. But you get the pic.

9) I love singing when people least want me to.
Heh. No comments.

10) I always blame it on the unfairness of life when I know of people performing much better than me.
This includes super talented kids way younger than me. And people like my brother being able to play the guitar with ease when I struggle with songs. And people who sing so unbelievably well like Kelly Clarkson, Joss Stone, etc. And super rich people. And people who travel widely... and the list goes on. Unfairness of life.

posted by sh @ 11:25 am 10 comments

Friday, October 07, 2005

Song: Boyzone - A Different Beat

Hmm, was checking my mail earlier and realised it's been ages since I've actually hit the 'forward' button. It's also been pretty long since I received all those annoying forwarded chain letters that would kill you if you don't pass it on and usually has some pretty lame content, like trying to be evident about the consequences of not passing it on. On the other hand, the number of spam emails continues to increase. Man, I miss the days of forwarding questionaires. :p But now, everybody does theirs on their blogs or on friendster's bulletin. Or none at all. Has everyone gone busy?

Anyhow, received my class photographs today - both formal and informal photograph. Happily letting everybody sign on it, and with just 3 people, it already occupied half the space! I love long messages. :) Subsequent writers started saying they're nice people so they're gonna do me a favour by not taking up too much space so the rest can write. Er. Ok. There is a way of squeezing!

So anyway I was writing for some of them as well, and I slowly started reminiscing the past 4 years. Wow I have gone through quite a bit in these 4 years. Many of the people I'm close to now, I only really became good friends this year. If that's how long it takes for me to be friends with people, I wonder how the next 2 or 3 years is gonna be spent.

It does suck to think you'll have to leave your friends ('newly' acquired) and join some other place filled with strangers and you gotta start all over again. Of course the option of making friends remains open, but keeping in mind you'll need people to depend on for the next 2 years, it'd better be done. Then the worry of fitting in returns. 2 years is too long to spend without friends, and too short for me to find who I can really be friends with. Afterall I did take 4 years.

And I was recalling all the stuff I've done in school these 4 years, and came up with a list:

Sec. 1:

• Orientation + Campfire (First campfire I've ever been to. I particularly remember the obstacle race, having to dump our face in a tray of flour, digging around for a sweet and boy did the flour taste like crap. First time I actually learnt campfire songs.)
• Inter-class Cheerleading Competition (Umm. good try. *grin* Audrey, remember? We were so struggling.)
• Inter-class Dance Competition (Champs! Most memorable, cos it brought some of us closer together. And lots happened in the course of preparing for it. And our choreographer (also my dance partner) was fab, coaching us and all. It was so, so awesome! I remember battling stage fright, before the finals!)
• Also remember hating art lessons, because the teacher was so strict and demanding, though I still did well in it nonetheless. *cough* Humility, I'm sorry.
• Joined AV, cos I got dragged in by my senior. :p
• Zany Parade during cross country: Tinkerbell from Peter Pan!
  

Sec 2:

• Inter-class Softball Competition (Vividly remember being dragged in for this one. I was persistent on not joining cos I knew nuts about it. But my friends argued that I should give it a shot, so we stayed back for numerous days of practice, and we emerged 2nd! Despite being terrible at the game! Pure plain luck!)
• Inter-class Badminton Competition. Oh I know this one sucked. Though we had a lot of fun training for it :p
  
• Liked art better, though it's the same teacher. Did well in art. Art piece got kept, and was later put up for display in the library. And it still is there! Haha! :p
• Super ultra fun class chalet at the end of that year. Spent 3 days 2 nights there, bugging friends to stay for 2 nights and they simply refused. I had fun anyway! Waking up super early in the morning trying to catch the sunrise, realising later that you can't catch a single glimpse of it from Pasir Ris. So we went back and slept though it already was morning! Spent the first night keeping my friends up cos I was so excited about staying up through the night for the first time. *cough* They were tired, and probably annoyed by me. (Audrey & Elise, I'm sure you remember this.) But we did anyway, sang songs from The Sound Of Music (what the hell?) and then the rest of the group who stayed over tried to make us shut up. :p
• Started the whole list of flag days, cos I'm finally no longer underaged. Amongst one of them was MAD (Make A Difference) Hair Day, when we were out on the streets for 10hours, with our hair done by Jean Yip, dyed and done madly. And some uncles would stare at me and ask me what the heck I'm thinking of, to oblige to do that. :p Funny and fun. I love flag days. You meet a lot of different sorta people, ranging from cute guys, to people with lovely accents, to super lovely people, to the bitchiest people around!
  
• Zany Parade during cross country: Storm from X-Men! (I forgot this so I approached Adora for it. *guilty*)
  

Sec 3:

• Ran for AV (4X100m relay) for the Inter-clubs competition during Sports Day. Emerged 3rd! Fun! Scary too! The last time I ran for sports day was in Primary 5. *cough* Not a good runner.
  
• Became Class Vice-chair after lots and lots of persuasion. Class was quite much in a havoc. I hated the bit on planning for class decoration competition the most. Still do. :p
• Grades were disastrous. I cried for grades a lot this particular year.
• Zany Parade during cross country: Bimbos & Jocks
  

Sec 4:

• Class Vice-chair role sets in a little better. Still hate class decors. Nonetheless, becomes better later. Stress on class cleanliness. I was yelling non-stop daily for people to do their duties. And because my voice is apparently soft, several kind-hearted souls would always help me to shout. Awww, this may sound weird but I miss doing that! Running after people for not doing their duties! AWWWWW! :p
  
• Class suddenly wins a lot of things we don't expect to. Good. :p
• Consistently bullied by certain people. And certain lovely people would always back me up, like Zheya! Bless! *grin* Constantly tolerating being physically abused by people like Brenda as well. Ha! I'm such an ideal target for bullies, that's bad.
  
• Hung out at Parkway a lot more. Bad influence, guys. lol
• Zany Parade during cross country: Cucumbers

Can only think of the above off-hand. I'm definitely sure there's a lot more but I'm gonna doze off in a sec, so it's to be continued!

posted by sh @ 11:13 pm 11 comments

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Song: Papa Roach - Stop Looking/Start Seeing

I see the walls closing in
And I feel I'm in danger
My enemy is not alone
In the mirror, there's a stranger
As I tried to break out
My panic led to fear
Hopeless, I am alone
I'm afraid that the end is near

I like the lyrics to that bit. Something possible to relate to.

And okay, my prelims results so far. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, thankfully. Not entirely happy but at least it's not cry-worthy anymore. I'm still afraid of many other things though. The thing about me? I need constant reassurance. Otherwise too much thoughts lead to revolving questions, eventually going paranoid, start crying and all that. It's not something I enjoy. And I don't list out why I wallow in self-pity just so I gain attention either. Reassurance - I just need it. Perhaps I'm dependent on it to a point I want it. But oh well, that's a different issue altogether.

And when I'm not happy, it tend to be pretty contagious, so to speak. People around me just get pissed after a while, either with my issue cos they feel it too, or with me. Or just pissed, anyhow, and don't say it anyway. Nonetheless, many thanks to those who managed to stick around through my dark periods. I hope I don't affect you as much as I think I did, cos that would suck, to put it simply.

And it's not even the worst thing, to piss the people around me. To piss them off, and then feel bad to be even unhappy in the first place, just sucks. Then I get pissed / disappointed / upset with myself. That's such a fun tangled chain, I'm tellin' ya.

And sometimes I wonder... people say certain things don't have to be said to be felt / made known of. But if you don't feel it, what happens? Eek I'm wasting my time thinking about useless stuff, I think I should just go off and study. Yes, finally a smart idea.

Before I end off, I just needed to add that today I spent the longest time without food and water. It's a record! 6am to 8.30pm. No thanks to the late dinner. I wonder how people with gastric problems fast.

A week and a day left of school.
O's Pract in under 2 weeks.
O's in under a month.

posted by sh @ 9:50 pm 0 comments

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Awww everybody's so sweet!

One immediately tells me about her friends' booboo prelim results, one tells me about forgetting to do me a 'cheer up' card, another tells me she loves me on her blog, amongst those named - her boyf, herself and her comp. HOW SWEET IS THAT? :p Very. I am so in love with the great people I know. :D

Finally today was a better day. Finally there're papers that I was relatively happy with. Though I'm still sulking over the lack of 0.1 mark to be able to round my grade up to a better grade, I think I should skip the sulking and save time for crossing my fingers for 2 more papers I've yet to receive. They shall then determine if what I'll be the next 3 months. But I was definitely happier today. :)

And I had an attempt at fasting today, along with everyone else. It's the first day of fasting right? Hmm, I think. Anyhow, I had later brekkie though. And earlier dinner. So maybe I was nearly an hour short. But hell, no drink is hazardous! I'm clearing my throat like every 5 minutes, with the back of the throat feeling super dry. But when I was halfway through the day I didn't feel like giving up, so I just went on all the way! Now someone's trying to make me do a proper day of fasting, ie having brekkie before 5.40am. I need to sleep till 5.45am cos my body's accustomed to that, plus my mum won't be awake before that, so if I were to have brekkie before 5.40, I gotta wake up even earlier to prepare brekkie, and then I'll just be moody for the rest of the day for not sleeping enough. Then I'll bark. And perhaps cry. So that's not gonna happen. Big no-no.

But it's quite fun to try out. *cough* I know it's not supposed to be fun. But hey it sucks not to have food or drink for that long. I don't know what I'd do if I were in a poor country with buckets full of starvation issues. I so need my food!

That being said, it's a good way to save up. *cough*

Oh oh and I was told that my English essay for prelims sounded like the way I write for my blog - which I suppose isn't ideal. Shite. I still am high on believing that the marker hated my essay or she wouldn't have picked on all my statements. Ugh.

I can't wait for the 19th of Nov. *sigh* (It's the day after my last O's paper, y'see. So I couldn't have said I can't wait for the 18th.)

posted by sh @ 9:52 pm 2 comments

Monday, October 03, 2005

I'm annoyed.

Where the heck are my A's? Are they coming out at all?

Where am I to go for first 3 months? Should I stay at home? Or should I work? Or should I try and pray for a little miracle?

Yesterday, my uncle came over. He asked for the dates my O's, and then marked against the calendar in the kitchen with the subjects on the respective dates. My gran's supposed to pray for me on those days, I suppose.

Anyhow, the point is, I suddenly got struck by how stressed I should be. I shouldn't be hanging around, goofing about, laughing at my grades. I should be planning where to go. And the best part was, my mum came to me last night to tell me my cousin's planning to go National JC. Oh hooray! I'm so gonna try to beat her.

Please. Look at my current grades. She's no opponent for me. Neither do I want to be compared to her anyway. And I can't believe what's gonna happen when people know I can't go anywhere for the first 3 months. My bro, parents, relatives, granny are gonna be shocked and ashamed of me. Hooray!

And then I cried last night. I didn't want to. My mum came into the room when I was about to. While trying to make her take no notice of me and leave the room, it just came rolling down. And then I cried again when I thought of it. I'm scared. I don't know what of. And the point of this entry isn't to shove fear into everyone else's mind too, whoever's reading this and taking the o's. Then I lay on my bed to take my mind off studying. And then I cried again. And so I planned to go to bed. And someone tried to comfort me by making sure I was alright. So after that I cried again before I finally fell asleep. (There's something about comforting words that don't comfort me.)

I am scared. I really am. Of the papers. Of the grades. Of the expectations. Of the failure. Of wondering if I will get through it.

And after school today, much later in the evening, on and off, I felt like crying again. I hate being a cry-baby.

I really wish there was ample time for everything. I wish, I wish...

I wish I'm pmsing.

[Again, don't tell me I'll get through it and I'll be fine. Cos if you don't already know, those words don't help me feel better.]

posted by sh @ 9:35 pm 5 comments

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Song: Nick Lachey - This I Swear (streaming on AOL, at least :p)

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so fortunate. I really do. I might not be rich. May have several shortcomings. Lack certain normalcy others have in their lives. I may be cooped up at home with a controlling granny half the time, but some people are not even half as fortunate as I am. Apart from academic terms, I've been getting luckier. Or happier, whichever way you see it. This year has just been a great year on the whole. It's the best year with the best presents continuously flowing in, for some reason. I suddenly have great people surrounding me. Not that I didn't initially. It's just that...

I went through primary school and all being a loner. Sure I was close to few people in class, but we weren't the type who'd does personal talk. We talk about what homework there is for the day, what teachers we like, boast a little about what we have, like some tamagotchi game hot then, what shows we like. I guess it's only later that you realise you can talk to anyone about such trivial issues and the true people stick around for your problems and personal issues.

And all of a sudden you step back and realise, wow how things have changed! I no longer just trot from place to place hoping to remain invisible, snuggle up in a cosy corner, remain quiet and just enjoy my little private space. I attend school, with friends! I lead my life without being alone! That may not seem odd to most people, but it does to me. Not that I mind it being odd at all. :p I just remembered that I used to find myself wondering if I'll ever fit into this life, apart from depending on my cousin for everything. :p

Just umm sudden enlightenment that's all :)

Yet on the other hand, when you realise everything's going on great, you wonder what will happen if things change for the worse. Like because I haven't had a setback, it may have caused me to be more vulnerable to setbacks? Just like the time I blogged about not having witnessed the loss of a loved one's life. It's the same issue.

Like because I'm watched almost all the time at home, by either parents, brother or granny (90% of the time), I find it odd when I'm alone at home, and make a great deal out of it. Like it's ultra amazing to survive on your own. I guess it's because of such things that I often wonder what it's like to live alone and always ending up predicting my failure in an attempt to be independent. I'm spoilt, I know. :)

And because I'm given allowance every week without fail, sometimes even more money when parents or granny suddenly feel like it, I never know what it feels like to live off your own income. I don't know how it feels to have to plan financially, because money comes in every week without fail, without me having to work for it. It might not be a lot, hence I gotta save it up for certain things I need or want to get. Still, the point is I don't have to work for it. I've never worked for it. Even during holidays, I know I have the option of asking my parents for money before I go out. So, again, I don't know how it feels to be on the other side!

Same concept here, but perhaps I look into things too much sometimes. Just sit back and enjoy the fruits of... non-labour? I wonder if I'm deserving of some things sometimes. Just felt like sometimes people around me deserve some of it too but they don't get it. Why?

PS: I have an obsession with soya bean milk. (of all things on earth!) Oh god, I'm an alien. I knew it!

posted by sh @ 12:30 pm 4 comments