ramblings, basically.

Song: Nick Lachey - This I Swear (streaming on AOL, at least :p)

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so fortunate. I really do. I might not be rich. May have several shortcomings. Lack certain normalcy others have in their lives. I may be cooped up at home with a controlling granny half the time, but some people are not even half as fortunate as I am. Apart from academic terms, I've been getting luckier. Or happier, whichever way you see it. This year has just been a great year on the whole. It's the best year with the best presents continuously flowing in, for some reason. I suddenly have great people surrounding me. Not that I didn't initially. It's just that...

I went through primary school and all being a loner. Sure I was close to few people in class, but we weren't the type who'd does personal talk. We talk about what homework there is for the day, what teachers we like, boast a little about what we have, like some tamagotchi game hot then, what shows we like. I guess it's only later that you realise you can talk to anyone about such trivial issues and the true people stick around for your problems and personal issues.

And all of a sudden you step back and realise, wow how things have changed! I no longer just trot from place to place hoping to remain invisible, snuggle up in a cosy corner, remain quiet and just enjoy my little private space. I attend school, with friends! I lead my life without being alone! That may not seem odd to most people, but it does to me. Not that I mind it being odd at all. :p I just remembered that I used to find myself wondering if I'll ever fit into this life, apart from depending on my cousin for everything. :p

Just umm sudden enlightenment that's all :)

Yet on the other hand, when you realise everything's going on great, you wonder what will happen if things change for the worse. Like because I haven't had a setback, it may have caused me to be more vulnerable to setbacks? Just like the time I blogged about not having witnessed the loss of a loved one's life. It's the same issue.

Like because I'm watched almost all the time at home, by either parents, brother or granny (90% of the time), I find it odd when I'm alone at home, and make a great deal out of it. Like it's ultra amazing to survive on your own. I guess it's because of such things that I often wonder what it's like to live alone and always ending up predicting my failure in an attempt to be independent. I'm spoilt, I know. :)

And because I'm given allowance every week without fail, sometimes even more money when parents or granny suddenly feel like it, I never know what it feels like to live off your own income. I don't know how it feels to have to plan financially, because money comes in every week without fail, without me having to work for it. It might not be a lot, hence I gotta save it up for certain things I need or want to get. Still, the point is I don't have to work for it. I've never worked for it. Even during holidays, I know I have the option of asking my parents for money before I go out. So, again, I don't know how it feels to be on the other side!

Same concept here, but perhaps I look into things too much sometimes. Just sit back and enjoy the fruits of... non-labour? I wonder if I'm deserving of some things sometimes. Just felt like sometimes people around me deserve some of it too but they don't get it. Why?

PS: I have an obsession with soya bean milk. (of all things on earth!) Oh god, I'm an alien. I knew it!

posted by sh @ 12:30 pm