ramblings, basically.

Song: Papa Roach - Stop Looking/Start Seeing

I see the walls closing in
And I feel I'm in danger
My enemy is not alone
In the mirror, there's a stranger
As I tried to break out
My panic led to fear
Hopeless, I am alone
I'm afraid that the end is near

I like the lyrics to that bit. Something possible to relate to.

And okay, my prelims results so far. It's not as bad as I thought it would be, thankfully. Not entirely happy but at least it's not cry-worthy anymore. I'm still afraid of many other things though. The thing about me? I need constant reassurance. Otherwise too much thoughts lead to revolving questions, eventually going paranoid, start crying and all that. It's not something I enjoy. And I don't list out why I wallow in self-pity just so I gain attention either. Reassurance - I just need it. Perhaps I'm dependent on it to a point I want it. But oh well, that's a different issue altogether.

And when I'm not happy, it tend to be pretty contagious, so to speak. People around me just get pissed after a while, either with my issue cos they feel it too, or with me. Or just pissed, anyhow, and don't say it anyway. Nonetheless, many thanks to those who managed to stick around through my dark periods. I hope I don't affect you as much as I think I did, cos that would suck, to put it simply.

And it's not even the worst thing, to piss the people around me. To piss them off, and then feel bad to be even unhappy in the first place, just sucks. Then I get pissed / disappointed / upset with myself. That's such a fun tangled chain, I'm tellin' ya.

And sometimes I wonder... people say certain things don't have to be said to be felt / made known of. But if you don't feel it, what happens? Eek I'm wasting my time thinking about useless stuff, I think I should just go off and study. Yes, finally a smart idea.

Before I end off, I just needed to add that today I spent the longest time without food and water. It's a record! 6am to 8.30pm. No thanks to the late dinner. I wonder how people with gastric problems fast.

A week and a day left of school.
O's Pract in under 2 weeks.
O's in under a month.

posted by sh @ 9:50 pm