ramblings, basically.
Song: Plus One - Run To You
Was just watching Cat In The Hat on HBO earlier. *snort* Kind of silly. But the main reason for snorting is because...
Dakota Fanning... is so.freaking.talented.
And after War Of The Worlds of course I already knew she's good at acting. She can act as one who's got tons of self-discipline and obeys every word the adult says. She can act as one who hyperventilates.
When I was as tiny as her, I knew nothing about acting that way. I can't be as convincing as her. No doubt I'm not even as good as her, NOW, when I'm so much bigger than her. She does it sooooo well. And she's so tiny. And so innocent looking. With all her fluffy dresses.
SNORT.
*sniffs the air* What were you saying about smelling a tinge of jealousy? Nawwwww.
Unfairness of the world. Why wasn't I born with such talents as well!?
SNORT.
Song: Jack Johnson - Bubble Toes
Several things I realised I regret.
1) Not doing homework promptly when supposed to.Cos while doing work today (for 3 gruelling hours *nods self*) I realised that the large amount of work to be done was due to the accumulated undone work for the past few months. Particularly the past few months, as some would understand why. :p But for me to be able to grasp enough discipline to get down to completing them today, shows that it isn't that bad afterall :) lol
2) Being a huge pirate previously.When I got down to organising my mp3 player again last week, I was furiously deleting tracks after tracks off my player - all of which are downloaded. Because they're of such poor quality compared to those ripped off cds I bought. It's super annoying when you're listening to your player, and when it's one of those of poor qualities, you have to blast it a little louder PLUS it sounds a little blur compared to the better ones. That, particularly, sucked.
AND I didn't even know some of the tracks in my player were corrupted. So besides being soft, halfway it's just the scratching sound. That SUCKS. No wonder I've steered away from downloading. Hoppity.
3) Not mixing around in class more for the previous year.And I only realise how bad it sucks currently because there's only 4 more months of wearing this green irksome uniform and most of the 4 months would be just pure torturous studying and exams. Then we'll go our separate ways. That is so, so sad. I remember at the beginning of the year I was questioning why people said Sec 4's the most memorable year in anyone's studying life, cos I didn't feel attached to it at all. But right now, after getting much, much closer to some people, I don't want to go. I don't want to leave. I want another year. I want to be able to whine about school with these people. And complain about mugging cos we can't be bothered to, etc. Maaan, if only time would past slowly.
4) Quitting keyboard class in primary school after a mere month.
Now I can't play a single complete tune on the keyboard that is actually impressive. GROWL. The basic fundamentals aren't even solid. Pah.
=======================================
Sometimes things just strike you when you begin to think of
what it could've been if not for certain decisions you make in your life. I've pondered about quite a few. I've wondered if I should regret certain decisions I made in the past, with people.
Like there were a few guys I've rejected before. I wondered about how it'd actually turn out if I did accept them into my life. But I guess after all that, I don't regret my current situation. I enjoy it, thankfully. :)
Song: All-American Boys Chorus - Angels We Have Heard On HighI know. I'm in the mood to start listening to Christmas songs already, so sue me. :p The All-American Boys Chorus at the VCH last night was so mesmerizing. Absolutely loved it. It was the liveliest choir performance I've witnessed in my entire life. And they had the craziest conductor. They're a group of boys from Orange County. ;)
It started with them putting on shades, all of them. They looked about as young as perhaps 7, and as old as perhaps 14. They're so, so adorable and talented. It scared me at first though, cos I thought I was watching Charlotte Church performing or something. Their sopranos are
that good. Or perhaps better, no kidding. Dead serious. They sing so so so high! Notes I can't reach. *sigh* Then again that doesn't mean anything - to reach notes I can't. :p
Anyway, throughout the performance, they're grooving to the beat, the tune, bumping and jumping about when it's a happy upbeat tune, with their conductor furiously encouraging them to, and indulging in those actions as well. All of them were having such a jolly good time, it was such a joy to watch! The conductor, many a time, turned back at the audience, was mouthing the words and hoping the crowd sang along too, to the more popular tunes.
There was a part they were singing the Beach Boys Medley - stuff like
Fun, Fun, Fun, and
Surfin' USA, etc. Some of the boys ran to the side to pick up huge plastic blown up balls and kicked it to the crowd to play with. Very, very fun! :p Never mind the fact it whacked my head once. *cough*
After the short little interval, they came back in dressed as sailors (*cough* Bro thought they looked like waiters at Billy Bombers. True 'nuff. *cough*), cowboys and several other miscellaneous beings. So, so adorable! The solo bits here and there were truly amazing. I was so impressed. The best choir I've heard and seen! Liveliest and most adorable one too! :)
Then, the conductor mentioned that it's their tradition to go off stage at the end of the performance to shake hands with as many of the audience as they possibly can, so of course we stuck around and shook hands with a few of them. One of the little boy was soooo adorable I felt like pulling him and hugging him. So innocent looking! Told him they did a great job and all, he gave me a nervous grin then squeaked a "thank you" in return. AWWWW, bless!
And my brother purchased 2 of their Christmas albums sold on the outside. *laugh* You can imagine the look on my face with jaws dropped and all. He hasn't bought a cd in ages. He's a major pirate! He downloads albums after albums, and last night he bought not one but TWO albums! So amazing. :p But it's worth it. :)
If only I could go watch them again, they're performing tonight as well. Pah.
If they come for a Christmas concert I'm
definitely going.
On the way back to the train station, we walked past Padang, and saw people rehearsing for the National Day Parade. Poooor souls. It was already 10-ish at night!
Was at the airport to study with Seige today. *sparkle* Did about almost 2 hours of work. Gonna do more later. Must start studying. Must start studying. *chants* Wonder if psychoing myself into mugging would help. :p Feasted on Choco malt single scoop ice cream from Swensen's as well. Reluctantly parted with my little money. So yummy! And then we went over to...
I can't remember what's the name of that fast food restaurant MarryBrown. Bought fries, sat down, listened to music, did work. Shall do that more often!
On our way back, saw this little teeny weeny kitten which was so friggin cute. It was mewing away at me, looking around with innocent expressions. It wasn't running, it was hopping like a kangaroo! SO CUTE!
And then this bitch came along, grabbed the kitten by the skin at the back of its neck, nearly shoved it to her little kid of probably 5 years, and the kid started crying, so she dropped the kitten from some height. OI BITCH! STAY AWAY FROM THE KITTY! Snort. Some people are creatures, I'm tellin' ya. Nobody can bear to do that when you look at that kitty, unless you're that heartless!
*sigh* I want a pet.
Low In Cash, High In Demands
Song: Rick Price - Baby It's YouIt's kind of scary to let it knock my senses and realise it's
32 days away from the very first prelim paper. Cos I'm far from getting started with the whole mugging process again. So far, you can't believe it. Miles apart. My days have been spent struggling in school, out in the afternoon, or at Parkway with Brenda. That's the way it seems lately, and I'm enjoying it. This... can't be good, can it?
But the wise ones would say, it's our precious time to enjoy before the gruelling period. :p
It was quite funny though, cos coincidentally when my mum pops into the room, she finds me playing some game I downloaded. *cough* And I don't play it often, just so happens whenever she's here I'm playing it! She thinks I'm addicted to the game so she's been showing me articles on computer game addicts and the consequences, etc. *raise eyebrow*
Anyhow, extremely broke.
Bought this on Monday I believe. LOL I now have a new playlist titled Boybands. Now, I forsee it being filled in no time, and being played back millions of times, since I'm such a boyband freak :p Bought that from Cash Converters anyway, and spotted SR71's first album, and 'N Sync's first album. They shall be mine in a few weeks. Muahaha. Let's wait till I save up more. Very, very broke.
I wanna shop too! I want a white belt, new skirt, new top, more earrings. :p My earrings collection is continuously growing and I'm extremely proud of it. *hop* Bought new starry dangly earrings for 2 bucks the other day. Most of my earrings, in fact, are worth 2 bucks. Hahaha. I'm a cheapo. But I'm a smart cheapo. *nods self*
Random sights.
What the heck is that?!
Super heavy grey clouds innit?
This pretty plant sitting outside my gate. :)
When it was pouring on Tuesday morning... and I was late for school by 15 minutes but nothing happened *sparkle*
Gonna catch the All American Boys Chorus at VCH in the evening, so if you'd excuse me, I shall try to squeeze in time to do some work now...
Song: 3 Doors Down - Going Down In FlamesI won't even begin with the second series of London blasts that was supposedly unsuccessful. Cos I'd be mentioning the same stuff over and over about how brainless I think those suicide bombers are.
Anyhow, I was at the Esplanade last night, on the roof for the first time. It was so gorgeous. The moon was coincidentally so round that I actually thought it didn't look real. It looked like it was plastered on. Round and bright, and
near. It wasn't too far away. It was low and near the Earth!
There was occasional breeze so it wasn't humid nor hot. There was a live performance on the outdoors with fab
vocalist. Nice songs, nice view, dark quite clear sky, round moon. Only thing that could've been made it better would be... If only it was a starry night. I'm a sucker for starry nights. I like sitting under a series of twinkling stars, even if there was no moon.
But it was very, very pretty. Been to Esplanade a few times, sat by the river at the seats, didn't think there was better view available (both at the bridge and at the roof). Damn, what have I missed!
Anyway I came out with a list of albums I want to get. :p
- Freaky Friday OST
- On The Line OST
- American Hi-fi - American Hi-fi
- Fall Out Boy - Take This To Your Grave
- Daniel Powter - Daniel Powter
- (Maybe) The Click - Greetings From Imrie House
Only thought of the Freaky Friday one cos I caught it on Disney today. Maaan, I love that show :p I actually cried in it,
again. *sigh* Such an emotional, sappy, sucker. Tsk, me.
Gran Problems #827621.....16276367112
*exasperated sigh*
Gran. Same routine. About my mum. Uncle got annoyed. Said she can just jolly well stay at his place since she's got so much to complain about here. Same old thing. Same old line. But she's still here, and why is that?
1) Dad's being bullied here. He's abused. By my mum. Because he has to do everything for her. (household chores we're talking about here.) Think about it, my mum works in the day too. At home. Sews. When they're both done with work, they do household chores. So which bit of it is actually unfair?
2) Mum wastes dad's money. She cooks too much for dinner, gran claims. I see plates empty for god's sake. Anyway she just wants us to eat right. Isn't that what she always wants, for her darling grandson to eat and eat and eat? She thinks if she dies she's gonna give a lot a lot of money to my dad and very little to my mum. Old line.
3) Without her, my uncle won't come here, all the stuff that breaks down in this house would be a problem to this little house with 2 men and 2 ladies. Because we can't handle it, we need my uncle to fix everything for us. Oh dear, what a loss.
4) Without her, my bro and I would be led astray. We would go out every day, spend money like nobody's business, mix into wrong company, future ruined. We're for god's sake 22 and 16. Not 12 and 6.
5) We would all be ruined by my mummy cos she's a big bad monster, she'll devour us and that'll be the end of us. *slight gasp*
Aiyaaaaarrrr. Go lah go lah. Go his house and stay. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
p/s: I'm not even gonna start on my fall this morning, and all the limping about cos my right knee hurts. And I'm going out tomorrow. Bless me. :p
Song: Bachelor Girl - Treat Me Good
Been getting back the Block CA papers these days. None of which are exactly satisfactory. (Except perhaps Chinese, considering it's the first composition my current teacher's passed me for.) The rest have been annoying the crap out of me, I'm hoping, so badly, that the rest that haven't been returned yet aces or my L1R5 is going to soar! (No, that is
not good.) And I knew it'd be terrible when my English paper doesn't consist of compositions, because like I've always said, that's how I pull up my English grades. Somehow, comprehensions don't click very well with me. :p
Anyway I observed something today. This young couple were sitting on the other end of the bench at the train station while an old couple sat at the end of the bench. Then, the old man was saying (and snorting) something about puppy love and that it isn't gonna last, while staring at the young couple. The old lady simply nodded in agreement.
Why on earth was the young couple ostracised like that? Just because they're young doesn't mean they don't know anything. Just because the old couple's old doesn't mean they've seen or gone through everything either! So is "puppy love" termed for a couple under a certain age? At what age would the relationship between the 2 be past a 'puppy love' stage then?
Sometimes what old people say, supposedly judged from their experience, make the least sense.
A Moment Of Light In Death's Shadow
Song: Green Day - Jesus Of Suburbia
I'm absolutely in love with the essay on today's Straits Times page 20. The one by the Raffles JC student who won the Commonwealth Essay Competition. It was about this boy who is struck by leukaemia, with condition that's critical. The doctor told him he's going to die. He feels bad that he has to put his mum through pain, having to weep at the sight of him every day in the hospital. The essay also shows his take on death...
He wondered if his making her cry counted when he died. He wondered if he would go to Heaven or Hell. He had surely failed in a great number of things. He was the oldest son of his family. He ought to be trying to help her. He was supposed to take the place of his father. He was supposed to be strong. Now he could not even stand by himself, not without crying out with pain. Perhaps weakness was a sin, too. Sometimes in the night, he would cry, because it hurt so much, and that was weakness, as well, because boys were not supposed to cry.
I love her writing style. Makes you see his puzzled thoughts, some of which are parallel to mine.
She (his mother) thought that he would fear dying. But he saw it as a relief, because then he would not hurt any more. There was only mild regret in his heart for all the things he had not done. He would have liked to see his little sister grow up, her with her big eyes and unquestioning trust and ways of bursting into tears for no conceivable reason. He had never seen why she should like to cry so much until leukaemia had begun to eat at his bones, and then he had cried more than she did.
And there was another bit on the rain and God.
The afternoon clouded over, and a light rain began to fall, a patter of droplets on the roof like the feet of fairies dancing. The world turned grey as if God was crying, but he did not know whom for. If He were to cry for all the children in the hospital, then there would be very few tears shed for each of them alone. There were very many hospitals in the world, and there would surely be very many children in each of them. There were not enough tears to go around.
Perhaps it was selfish to think that way, to divide up love that was divine and boundless of measure sorrow by the number of tears. He did not need anyone's tears to comfort him, not even His, because he would die soon anyway and then he would not need pity, or tears, because it would not hurt any more.
And then there was this bit on envy and greed, and the best description of raindrops I've read.
He could lie in a dreamy daze, and quietly tell himself that he was lucky, because he no longer desired to have the flowers that other boys had, or envied that other children could play in the rain. Envy and greed were reserved for the living, because such things no longer mattered to those who were going to die. He gazed at the rain, and listened to the music of the raindrops falling, each one making a different sound on the roof, a tonal melody. The raindrops were dying, too, outside the window where a boy with leukaemia lay thinking of death. Yet the drumming did not seem sad, or regretful, but instead a rejoicing that their brief lives had been spent so well.
They fell, one by one, each one unique, and yet very alike, fountaining as they fell into puddles, like tears springing forth in the midst of laughter, and sorrow and joy mixing at once. It came to him then, as he watched the rain falling, glassy and silver: he would not have known how good it was to run and play, if he had not lost the use of his body.
And the following is my favourite extract of the story, about shadows.
He had been so afraid of dying before, seeing it as a great shadow looming behind him, and with every breath it grew closer. When he had been younger he had similarly been unreasonably afraid of his own shadow, and run all day, trying to run away from it. His shadow would always be just one step behind him, tauntingly close and never lagging behind, even if he suddenly sprinted away, hoping to take it by surprise. But there were consequences to running very fast and looking behind you at the same time, and he had fallen down. Then he had looked down and seen his shadow under him, and screamed.
If he looked only at the shadow of death now, then one day he would look down and see that it had come upon him, and that would be a great waste, because he would not have seen the last moments of light in his preoccupation with shadows and darkness. The world held both the light and darkness, and would not be complete without either.
Absolutely adore this piece of writing. I know I didn't type this out for nothing, because months down the road, I could always click on archives and search for this piece again. :)
Post #91 from Blogger's Count
Song: 3 Doors Down - Never Will I BreakPardon my previous entry. Was drowning myself in anger, it was quite hysterical. FYI, my uncle came yesterday, and there seemed no signs of him knowing what's been going on with my gran and I. Not the slightest clue. He was still disturbing me, thwapping me as per normal, for sheer teasing and bullying. And the storm just vanished within seconds. She started telling everyone about my bro's webcam, and how he showed us his hostel unit. She could actually narrate an incident which happened seconds before she blasted off at me for being self-centred and all that shite.
Nope I don't think I'm gonna just be pretty, smile, pretend nothing happened like it always happens. Her moodswings ought to be controlled. She cannot just blast off at me as and when she desires. That has to be known. She doesn't know yet. But I don't think I'm going to be pleasing her for the moment. My brother can go do that for all I care, really. I've been bootlicking and pleasing her far too much, and far too long.
Everything has their limits.Anyhow, my my. What do we read about the world today? Suicide bombings in Iraq. What's new, really? Everybody's bombing one another with no utter respect or conscience. Like killing the innocent ones in each other's territory is gonna resolve everything.
- A suicide bomber wrapped in explosives detonated himself next to a gasoline tanker south of Baghdad on Saturday night, creating a devastating fireball that killed at least 59 and wounded 86.
- Last Sunday, an attacker detonated an explosive vest outside an Iraqi Army recruiting center, killing at least 23 volunteers and wounding at least 40 others.
- On Wednesday, a car bomb aimed at an American unit on patrol killed 27 people, most of them Iraqi children.
- On Thursday, there was a triple attack on a checkpoint leading into the Green Zone government compound.
- On Friday, there was a daylong blitz in Baghdad in which 10 suicide car bombs targeting U.S. and Iraqi military throughout the capital and on the highway heading south that killed 22 people.
- On Saturday there was other strikes throughout Iraq that killed at least 16 people. Also, three British soldiers were killed when a roadside bomb exploded in the south. 1 killed, 2 wounded.
- The number of deaths from the London blasts have totalled up to 55 currently.
Please, people, if you may. Kill everybody. Then you'll be the only one surviving left, and hooray you own Earth! You can then mass reproduce (oops sorry, spare one of the opposite gender of the same race with you) and brainwash everyone who's of the same race to be of the same religion, have same beliefs, and you will all live happily ever after like in every friggin fairy tale.
Why do people throw up their hands and give up? Why do people not think? Why doesn't anyone acknowledge that war kills innocents, and why don't people publicly mourn for the victims on both sides?
~From
one of my random reads.
[edit]
someone bugged me to do this quiz again. :p and i'm surprised. still, agnosticism's top of the list.
You scored as agnosticism. You are an agnostic. Though it is generally taken that agnostics neither believe nor disbelieve in God, it is possible to be a theist or atheist in addition to an agnostic. Agnostics don't believe it is possible to prove the existence of God (nor lack thereof).
Agnosticism is a philosophy that God's existence cannot be proven. Some say it is possible to be agnostic and follow a religion; however, one cannot be a devout believer if he or she does not truly believe.agnosticism | | 83% | Satanism | | 83% | Buddhism | | 67% | atheism | | 58% | Judaism | | 58% | Islam | | 58% | Paganism | | 46% | Hinduism | | 42% | Christianity | | 38% |
|
Which religion is the right one for you? (new version)
created with QuizFarm.com[/edit]
song: Boyz II Men - Colour of LoveMy granny is such a flipping retard. She's being so fucking unreasonable again. It's one of those times I'm exasperated I want to cry. But I'm not gonna waste my precious tears on things that unworthy. It's a waste of time and effort on the most ridiculous things.
She thinks I've been going out too much and too long. I was out this afternoon from, to be exact, 1.20pm to 4.10pm. That, for your information is 2 hours and 50 minutes. I bet she was unhappy because I was going out with my cousin. And not because she wasn't buying my excuse - to get stuff for school and go to the library. Well, she can
piss off if she's trying to forbid me from going out with my cousin who lives a fucking storey away. So what if her exams are over? Does that mean after my O's, her parents are supposed to be unreasonable and tell her not to go out with me? That's just being fucking
kiasu, thinking I'd lose out in the most ridiculous ways.
And she says I've been going out for too many friends' birthday celebrations. Again, another fantastic excuse of mine. She's saying it like I'm being such a busybody, attending every fucking homosapien's birthday celebration. Get a grip. I have more friends than you think I should have. Not that I'm flaunting, hey granny look at me, I'm popular! I'm
so far from being popular. She just thinks I have like 5 friends. Friends, mind you. Not 5 good friends. Just 5 friends. Fucking retarded.
Next, I woke up at 10ish this morning, went straight to the docs for my finger. Noone else was at home. My parents were at the market. My bro and gran went to the temple after that. And they left a 15-year-old girl sleeping alone in her bed, with the windows open when it's fucking raining, and the fucking door open with only the gates locked. And the keys to the gate are so fucking near the door, for fuck's sake. Yay, that
totally makes me safe in my room. Anyhow, when I was back from the docs, with my finger wrapped, I was yakking at my bro for leaving the door open. And then she starts barking at me for not doing my bed. Fine, I went to my room and did my bed. And just now she started saying, she's
always been yakking at me for not doing my bed, and it's always messy. Fuck off, retard. This is what? The first time in god knows how many fucking months that you're telling me to do my bed. I do it every single day. Except this morning cos I went straight to the docs. My mum got me a queue number and I was late. Can I
not do my fucking bed when I'm home? Nooooo. Some bitch here doesn't think so. And she thinks she tells me that all the time. WHAT THE HELL? I do my bed EVERY SINGLE DAY.
My bro's at his hostel right now, testing out his webcam, shifting his stuff in. He called me to try on my webcam as well (they bought 2 this afternoon). I finished dinner, washed and dried the dishes, came to the computer and tried it on. I even
told my gran to come look at his room. And then what happens? She tells me I'm such a self-centred bitch because I do all the things I want to do and plan to do, and go out as and when I like, and leave everything for my dad to do. Like when he's cutting fruits, I leave him to serve it to me, and leave it for him to wash the dishes in the end. Fair enough. I went to him, waited for him, served the fucking fruits to my gran. And SHE thinks I SHOVED IT IN HER FACE. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! I just gave it to her properly OKAY? I just gave it to her NORMALLY. Bloody hell.
And now she can go tell the entire world her granddaughter wants her to shift. I don't fucking care. She's like, oh I'm gonna tell your 4th uncle. It's your O's year and you don't care about your studies. Yadda yadda yadda. You're going astray. Your 4th uncle's saying if you don't listen, I can just go control your brother so he graduates properly. I don't even know if I'll be dead by the 3rd year. Yadda yadda. Bullshit.
Okay. Verdict: Her granddaughter's going astray. And if anything, it's because
she's driving me in that direction.
Song: Blue - Long Time
That was quite a break from blogging.
I've got a swollen finger
again. Might very well be another ingrown nail, like the case I had with my big toe. Only that if the swell on the finger isn't gonna heal, I'm gonna go back to the doc on Saturday and have him slit a little bit of my fingernail off, and drain the pus out.
Eeeeew. The previous one on the toe involved slitting a little of the toenail off, leaving room for the nail to grow out. Snort. What's with nails and I!
Gah. Like Monday, I'm having a headache now. So annoying. While I go on persisting staying awake and not taking a nap, I'll just have to make do with sleeping earlier tonight.
And finally, class decor's pretty much completed. I think the backboard looks pretty cute and kiddy. :p
Anyway was out yesterday. Had a very nice time :) I caught my very first legal (yet illegal since I haven't turned 16 yet) NC-16 film! :p The Werewolf Hunt. The
ah peks at Lido weren't exactly err checking. Moreover I had school socks and school shoes on. *raise eyebrow* Anyway Lido's theatre sucks. :p
Had English Oral today. Spoke of the crappiest crap. The most contradicting personal recounts, with some made up. I think she laughed at some. So perhaps it isn't all bad. The best thing, though, is when she told me she thinks I'm a good conversationalist.
Now, I've never had such compliments face to face before. As such, it's indeed an achievement. Though I've had numerous questions from her, which I can't tell if they're prompts or just out of curiosity. Needless to say I'm praying it's the latter. Fingers crossed.
I'd just like to take back a certain statement I made earlier, about religions being a waste of time. Apparently I've got several people lashing at me. I think I could've structured that point a little better, perhaps! I was just being a little too... straightforward? It's not a complete waste of time, and it's not crap. I know it teaches good virtues, morals and such. And some say, good faith. I just meant it in a way that it's unfortunate to be categorised separately (because of religions) and to be accused of, simply because you're associated with the asses around. :)
Anyhow, my headache is killing me. I'm just gonna go off and wait for a phone call, and then hit the sacks early. I don't even think I'll study the Bio topics we're supposed to. Ugh. My head hurtsssssssss.
Did a poem while waiting for my turn for oral today. *sparkle* It's a little crappy, esp the tomb bit. Can't blame me, I waited from 2pm to 4.45pm. Haven't thought of a title for it though. And the knocking on the door is the cue from the timekeeper to the people in the classroom, next person in line was supposed to go out of the classroom.
meek surroundings, anxiously anticipating
with each knock on the door, cold sweat's trickling.
nervous and freaked out, my heartbeat's racing
"help me get through this," I'm silently praying.
with murmurs and mublings filling the room,
how could each knock sound like a boom?
the anxiety kills me, but i've yet to prepare a tomb
I wish I wasn't born yet, back in my mother's womb.
here I am, my inspiration's running dry
while some have left without bidding goodbye.
soon this space - this empty classroom will be all mine
and then I'll realise I've wasted so much time.
Okay, this afternoon when I was reading the papers and BBC online on the London blastings, it traumatised me properly. I always thought it was okay,
just another blasting. I mean, look at the number of blastings that occured the last few years!
There was this one article, they were interviewing a survivor. She said she was waiting for the Bus 30 (I think). When it came, it didn't allow passengers up yet, only allowed passengers to alight. And then she was about to alight when the blast happened. Bits of metal rained down, some landed on her umbrella. She grabbed the person nearest to her and ran for their lives.
I was absolutely shaken when I read that. I could picture myself waiting for a bus home, or something. Who knows if it's gonna explode? That could be the very minute I leave this world, be gone forever. There're still so many stuff I've yet to do. I've only lived for almost 16 years. There's so much more sights to see. I treasure this life, dammit. I have lovely friends and confidants. I have lovely people to hug me and tell me they care. I've a lovely family. Well, sorta dysfunctional at times but that doesn't matter. I want to live on! (Actually if you think about it, I'm sure most people would echo my thoughts. Only that sometimes we take it for granted and refuse to see them as 'lovely' stuff. lol I have my times.)
And it just fills me with empathy, that because of these terrorist attacks, the British Muslims have to live in fear. They can't go anywhere alone, for fear of racist British who'd hunt them down and take revenge on the innocent Muslims. The Muslims get the blame for something majority is innocent for. Imagine if I'm one of the British Muslims, god damn it, stop blaming me for something I haven't done! And it isn't even as though I'm accountable for it!
I share the same sentiment as Lianne for this though. Religions - such a waste of time. Those same group of people
could have been left free and innocent, but because there's such thing as religions, they
unfortunately fall under the same category as the most heartless creatures out there. Really unfortunate, isn't it?
Anyhow, caught War of the Worlds later. The critics were a little unfair on this one cos it isn't as bad as some people made them out to be. I quite liked it. :) And at the beginning of the movie, everyone kept asking if the invasion was a terrorist attack. At that point, I was like, goodness at least for a terrorist attack, it's just a short period of time. And there are ways of clearing it up soonafter. But that alien invasion was muuuch tougher.
However, at the end of it, it's like... Alien invasion, the human race could bind together and fight it as one. And we live or die together. If we get wiped out, we get wiped out together. And
we could put an end to it.
But a bloody friggin brainless terrorist attack affects the most innocent of people, leaves the victim's loved ones in misery, racism happens, people hate each other, and you can't stop those heartless beasts from harming anyone else. You can't just run for your lives. If it blasts where you are, that's that.
Ah well, I had fun while I was out anyway. Bought Bowling For Soup's Drunk Enough To Dance, at Cash Converters. The rate of my expenditure is pretty wacked up. :p
That's What Friends Are For (inside joke)
Song: Ashlee Simpson - Giving It All Away
Been doing fab lately! I used to have one confidant - Seige. Now I have quite a few and it feels great! I haven't been
that close to friends since I entered Sec Sch. Good friends yea, I have quite a few. Now it just feels like I've found myself a great buddy who understands what I'm going through and all, it's freaking awesome. :p
(Yes, I love you, Bren! Hahahaha)
Seige'd understand that I don't just open up to friends. But when you finally find people you can talk to about anything, it freaking rocks. I can't find a better way of describing it really. :p It's not so often you find such friends. Bloody awesome that you can find friends who can cheer you up. Yay! I'm glad I found mine!
Was out with Bi Xia and Bren yesterday for lunch and we walked about. Oh and for kopi peng. Hahaha. Bi Xia accused us of tricking her many times to go to parkway with us and not ending up drinking kopi peng, so she finally had her taste of that yesterday. :p And Bren did a lot of prom planning, which is damn funny cos we're SO FAR from finishing prelims, let alone the O's. And she apparently is make-up pro, so I'll grab some tips from her next time. Hahaha (Don't let me down, Bren. Hahahaha.)
I've been quite happy lately. And I'll say it again, it's freaking awesome. :p
*hop* Gonna catch War of the Worlds later. Can't wait. :p Tralala.
On a more serious note, I think the fucking terrorists behind all that blasting in London deserves to be tortured. I have a cousin living in London currently, and she was quite near where one of the blastings took place, so she's currently staying in a little more than usual. It's disturbing and freaky to know you have loved ones so bloody near all that son-of-a-bitch-s doing bloody brainless thing. Blast blast blast, go blast your own brainless skull. Nothing better to do, go find a stupid job. Even people washing the toilets and sweeping the roadsides are a freaking million times more useful than you retarded people. Is it so damn fun to blast everyone? SHEEESH. Get a bloody life!
And then there's Lianne in Edinburgh, potential target for terrorists as well, only perhaps they're wimps. But thank god they're wimps. lol.
Seige's gonna be at sentosa today and she was slightly worried last night, so she told me how much she loves me and all. *chuckle*
Well well well, may everyone be safe around :) Terrorists can go
kiss my ass rot in hell.
Song: 98 Degrees - She's Out Of My Life The Bottom Line
Well, aren't you shinier than a bright new penny! And worth a whole lot more!
In Detail
You've been going over this for a while now, trying to decide whether to keep quiet or just say what needs to be said. At the moment -- and only if you're intuitively inspired to believe that opening up is the right thing -- you'll go for it, and announce what's going on to anyone handy. You might stop short of hiring a skywriter, though. Just so you won't have to live down the jokes for the rest of your life.
Can I just re-emphasise how Friendster horoscope scares me? :p I've opened up more... (Bren'll know) and only just started opening up. I quite like it so far. Nothing too big. :)
Exhausted. Went to parkway to get stuff for the Class Decor coming up today. And watched Bren go through an... uhh ordeal. Or at least the beginning of it. Hope it went well!
I think I should head straight to bed after Lost tonight. Tired!!! One more day to the weekends. Whew. Still not entirely adjusted to the whole... school... routine. Bah. I found myself drifting away in classes. Been forgetting to bring stuff. It's just not that easy to concentrate in classes already! I need a long, long holiday! lol
[edit]
What's the huge huge huge deal with London being the host for the Olympics in 2012? I've been getting disgusted shocked expressions when I said I didn't catch the IOC last night. I wasn't supporting or strongly against any country. Seriously, what IS the biggie? Why is everyone talking about it? e.v.e.r.y.b.o.d.y.! Am I the only one who doesn't bother?
It's like a... "Madrid, New York and Moscow are out." Oh okay. *vaguely remembers Madrid and London were competing (cos of the whole Raul and Becks thing)* "London won." Oh okay.
Does it even affect us...? I don't see how. Unless we're Londoners.
[/edit]
I'm An Introvert? Oh okay!
Song: Backstreet Boys - Weird World
(nope I'm not sick of their album yet! It's THAT good!) The Bottom Line
You are sensitive, and that comes in handy. You know exactly what's going on.
In Detail
One side of your nature loves being on stage -- having everything right out there for one and all to see. The other side of you equally adores secrets and intrigue, especially if there's a bit of drama attached to keeping those things under wraps. You'll need to make a decision right now, however, as to which side of yourself will handle the current situation. The outgoing, public side or the intense, personal side? Good luck.
Again, I can relate to this so very well, it's scary.
I'm the complete opposite of some people I know. I do not want the mass to know what's up in my personal life. I only need few people to understand to be able to listen when I need to talk to them about certain issues. The rest are casual talk. Not to be mistaken as acquaintances, I treasure all of my friends, whichever category you fall under.
Say, for example, I have taken a fancy for someone, I don't like to tell everyone that HEY I LIKE SOMEONE. And I certainly do not appreciate it when the person goes around telling people, ooh someone here likes someone.
And if you realise you're one of those judgemental, superficial people, don't even think about asking me what's up, cos I don't need you to judge for me or judge me, for that matter. As much as I wish I were as laid back and heck-care as some people, I am not, so these still matter to me.
I do suppose I have a problem opening up easily, even if you're a really great friend of mine, doesn't mean you'd know everything about me.So, call me introverted for all I care, really. :)
Song: Backstreet Boys - Climbing the Walls
I'm exhausted. Met a friend at Suntec, went to swensens for yoghurt again. Hahaha *sparkle* Haven't jogged this week, erp. Bad bad bad. Walked a bit while he forced me try on some strange looking hats. *cringes* Not too long later, went off to Somerset to meet
them. Tickets to War of the Worlds were sold out. Snort. Just hung out instead...
I'm really tired, so I'll skip the content, and go on to pictures.
Fantastic Four craze. Pity only was close to these 2. I think I might be catching it next week. *hop*
Few weeks back, saw this downstairs.
What can I say, my family's a big fan of milk.
*hop* Best buy yet. Loveeeee the album. Never thought I'd say this, but I LIKE BACKSTREET BOYS! hahaha. Even though they're so...
old. :p
When I first came online this morning, I was greeted by this.
these jagged pieces of my happy beginnings; says:
HAPPPY YOUTH DAY HUN
these jagged pieces of my happy beginnings; says:
LOLLL
For some weirdest reason that made me extremeeeely happy! LOL! I actually burst out laughing! (Yes that's silliness from Marcus. haaaaa) Poor poly people who have school today. :p My sympathies. Hahahahhaah
Going out later. *HOP!* Very excited, for some reason. :p
Happy Youth Day, lovelies ;)
Fun-Filled Saturday After A Gruelling Week
Song: Faith Hill - Baby You Belong The Bottom Line
You're thinking up a storm. You're soaked in smartness. And struck by brilliance.
In Detail
A social butterfly? Who, you? Oh, you bet you are. You're so darned sociable that it's often tough to make a date with you. Still, if you want to find the time for someone, you'll find it -- and there's someone you'd cancel just about anything to be with now. The good news is that they're feeling the same way. Suggest that you two blow off the rest of the world and devote the next 24 hours to each other -- period. Bet you don't get any arguments.
Hahaha, this is such a cute friendster horoscope. :p I'm soaked in smartness and struck by brilliance. *sparkle* Ooh am I glittering so much it's blinding you? :p
I had the oddest dreams last night. Dreamt the big O's was over. Was at the school's General Office collecting my results slip like there was no biggie. Seige helped me get my slip. *chuckle* I know somehow in reality she'd never do that. :p She'd never approach MY school's staff to ask for MY result slip. :P
But she being the first one to see the slip... no biggie then. :p She looked at it then told me, "wah lao, you." I thought I did fab!
Things I saw, however, were B3s and a C5, being higher chinese. and one E8. I can't remember what. Possibly Bio? lol And that sucks. God knows why she'd have said, "wah lao, you." But I remember being pretty happy with my C5. No more chinese ever ever EVER. Maaaaan. Hope that's a sign. Hahaha.
Anyway, yesterday I was out almost the entire day. Collected my passport, went to Bugis with my family for a while. There was some food festival stuff going on - Makan Mania '05. Queues were too long for their own good, people like us (with non-existent patience) couldn't be bothered, really. Until my brother caught sight of some Long Beach Black Pepper Crabs. His favourite dish. Tsk. After that, he would non-stop hope for us to go home so he could feed on those stuff. Snortttt.
My mum was hungry though, she wanted to grab a bite. My brother suggested Starbucks, and he was like, "oh maybe we can have our crab there. Chilli crab and mocha frappe. Oh my god, it rhymes!" I was like, *peers* Helloooo? Knock knock!
We were at Bugis because we sent my dad's digital camera for repair there and were gonna collect it. My dad was
so happy that his little baby's back in his arms, he wouldn't stop snapping pictures of us from afar. I'd be like, oh gosh, the paparazzi. My bro would go, oh my fans. Many times, I had to tell him his arrogance knows no limit. *sigh*
When everyone was home, I went off to Pasir Ris Park to meet someone else, and boy was it fun. *grin* I was playing the... flying fox thing but you had to sit on the thing to swing from one side to the other? Maaaan I never played that beforeeee. Felt like such a little girl yesterday. :p We weren't about to fight the kids off the swings though. *puts on angelic smile* Tried climbing the big Spiderweb thing there. Man, I suck at climbing.
(Brenda would remember the OBS climbing of logs activity. I suck! Hahaha)
We caught the tiniest bit of the sunset. But it was lovely cos it threatened to pour many, many times. And there was this one moment we were sheltered by dark clouds (the irony!) and this thin beam of light peeking through? It looked like the way to heaven! As of how they showed 'heaven' in movies. It was gorgeous!
But of course, the above was disrupted by my granny a million times, I was getting pretty pissed off. And no, I do not care, I'm still going out tomorrow. :)
Caught 3 hours of Live Aid last night. *sigh* Missed Good Charlotte, didn't stay up long enough to see Simple Plan. Didn't see Maroon 5 either. Soooo annoying. Who in their right minds would get glued to the screen from 9pm to 7am!? I only caught it from 10ish to nearly 2. Green Day was fab though, I liked their rendition of We Are The Champions. Loved Dido's Seven Seconds, and it was so nice to hear the entire crowd singing Thank You in unison. Keane was alright, and they have a pianist slightly more hyper than Jamie Cullum. *raises eyebrow*
Just gonna laze around today. Enjoy my peace.
Song: Faith Hill - One[grin]
Cheered me up well, last night, when I heard my handphone vibrating about insanely on the table. Saw that it was a whole chunk of numbers (meaning, an overseas call), picked it up, heard a familiar voice. Mighty great to hear
you again, babe :) Lovely surprise!
[/grin]
Sometimes I wonder if I worry too damn much.
I wonder if it's because of the way I'm brought up - the usual lame excuse.
Take for example, a friend asks me out for a day. These would be my worries as I get through the day.
I start to worry about... (Home issues)
- having to come up with an excuse for my gran, to get out of home.
- the time I'd have to beat to reach home in case my gran gets pissed off and affects my mum who'll start throwing her tantrums while cooking dinner.
- gran running off to complain to my uncles that i've been out too much. or too long.
- running out of excuses for the next time i'm gonna be out.
After that, if I see something I like out there, I worry about...
- spending too much. (they're usually my mum's money, though I use my savings half the time, but she's sorta like 'replenishing' my little savings.)
- buying it and not liking or using it soonafter.
- seeing a better one later and regretting my purchase.
The 'home issues' is a more pressing problem, really. To such extent I was telling my brother and he replied, "If you're so worried, then don't go out."
Struck me hard. My brother gets away with, "I'm going out for a while" which usually means he'll be back at midnight. I'd feel bad if I said I'm going out for
a while. Cos when I
do say I'm going out for a while, it's for an emergency, needing to get something, then returning home once I'm done with getting what I need. That, my friend, is
a while.
Snort. I'm
quite sure if my gran's not staying with us, I could easily tell my mum, I'll be out with my friends. I'll be shopping. (Hell, she'd even be passing me all her discount cards.) And I could tell her, I'm not gonna be home for lunch. Or dinner. She trusts me enough, really.
With my gran, if I'm out for lunch, I'd better be home for dinner. If I'm out for dinner I'd better give an excuse. Like perhaps an evening movie. Or a barbeque. Or a friend's birthday dinner, etc. Otherwise, her tongue would go wagging for more.
So how on earth did I survive 16 years? I've been wanting to find out how I did.
Yes, I am going out today. For dinner. I've yet to tell her (my gran) and this is annoying me.
How can such silly problems be wearing me out?
Song: 98 Degrees - Still
*hop*
Chinese paper.
God, the topics were friggin difficult. Hell. If I'm not out of point, then I was
quite happy with it. Wrote and expressed it slightly better than usual. Doubtful of passing, still, though.
Physics paper.
One word. Killer. But I have a feeling I'd do worse for Bio than Physics. Perhaps it's because I don't care anymore. It's over!!!
And after the papers, I receive a bad news. Class decor for term 3. !@#$ I thought we're DONE with class decors!? I
hate having to ask the class to stay back, cos it's
so difficult to. !@#$ Heck first.
It was quite funny today though. Firstly I asked Brenda if she wanted to go parkway for lunch today after the papers, a few days back. She only said about the band performance at esplanade tonight, so I took it as no. I went to Audrey & Elise and asked if they wanted to. They didn't decide yet. So I went to my cousin and asked if she wanted to catch a movie. Then Audrey & Elise said yes, we'll go parkway. Then my cousin said perhaps we could. So I told Audrey & Elise I'll be catching a movie with my cousin. And later, we couldn't decide what movie to catch, so we decided not to. So I told Audrey & Elise, okay we're going parkway. And THEN today Brenda accused me of
pangsehing her for both lunch and the performance. SO I told Audrey & Elise again, that I can't go.
And Audrey said I'm very bad. Hmpf. I was in a difficult position!
Next, when we were out, they couldn't decide to go home to change or not. Brenda initially suggested going to her place. I said okay. But they couldn't decide again. And finally she said okay let's go her place. And I'm like, I can't, I'm gonna meet my cousin in Tampines now. (We decided to meet to walk around a bit.)
Lol, so bottomline is... it's their fault for not being able to decide. Tralala.
I'm drained though. Rejuvenated in the mind. Drained in the mind too. Too much cramming lately. Too much studying. Too much. I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Going out tomorrow, maybe Sunday I'll drag my brother out to shop. Going out on Monday too! (Youth Day! So glad I'm a youth.)
Oh yeah and I fell this morning cos I was unhappy about the papers I was gonna sit for, and I was sleepy. Landed on my palms and knees. Something went into my thumb which friggin hurts. Came home to get my daddy to get it out. Friggin hurts. 'Least it's out!
Anyway I've got 3 friendster messages within the last coupla weeks. I'm being friggin nice to blur their info, so people don't go searching for them and mocking them.
Seriously, my profile doesn't even state why I'm in Friendster. That means I'm not here for activity with any gender, or to make friends, etc. My "Who I Want To Meet" list is umm. Well, if you're responding to that, I suppose you think very highly of yourself! So, WHY DO YOU EVEN TRY?!
Photos Galore. :)
What I purchased today at Cash Converters. Found their older one with "I Do (Cherish You). And another with "My Everything". Then realised this is like a compilation with all their fab songs. *hop* In such a boyband mood. Verrrry happy with this =D
The other day I was at Joo Chiat, extremely bored while my Gran was in the temple. Hence.
And another day I was trying to kill my handphone battery so that I could charge it properly before going out. My table - always a mess. Really a common sight actually. Bedsheets are so pretty *cough*
My uncle's extremely lovable dog named Monty after where he was living in for a while. She loveeeees me. Yes that is my hand.
This monday. Back to school on the first day. Didn't help that the sky was so gloomy.
Desktop for a while.
Now :) A friend saw their cd at Inokii. Apparently $26.90 *sniff* But just saw some promotions and their videos are being played on MTV. Hopefully they get a little more famous and cds would be easily available at a lower price soon. Heh.
Couldn't find a Jay Chou album at cash converters. Sighhhhhh.
T.G.I.F. Long weekenddddd. *bounces about*
