ramblings, basically.
This blog shall cease to update. A brand new year, a brand new beginning!
If anyone wants to know where I've gone to, I can be emailed
here.
So, with that, have a spankin new year, everybody!
Here's the reason why I was being stared at yesterday.
Yup, I was wearing that about. How cool :)
And our cousin Christmas Eve tradition was to be kept. Hence,
I was feeling a bit self-obsessed yesterday, so we were taking lots of pictures on my camera. On top of that, we went to take neoprints for momento. I happen to love the neoprints! We were going a little psychotic. I don't think we've gone out much since forever. And I was suddenly bursting out laughing for no apparent reason. It's dangerous. Imagine if I emerge to be some sort of businesswoman and we have to hold a meeting and I have a cup of coffee. Note to self, don't touch it till the meeting's over. I may just blow off every bit of the chance I have.
So anyway, at night, coussie came down while we caught A Blessed Christmas on tv which was kind of lame, some bits were funny, and most importantly there were quite a few local singers who can...
really... sing. That, I thought, was pretty rare. :p Cough.
We carolled to ourselves thereafter. It was still a long way to midnight, so she taught me a bit of french. I was having more troubles remembering the pronunciation as opposed to the word. French may be sexy but it's hard. HARD. We then proceeded to play boggle as we had nothing better to do, and finally counted down before she left. After midnight, Power98 was playing non-stop Christmas hits, and I was delightedly singing to myself before I fell asleep. It was very Christmasy!
This morning, I woke up doe-eyed, semi-blind without my glasses and saw a present sitting on my table. I just took it to my parents room and madly ripping it apart. A top. No trace of who the sender might be. I was going crazy, asking my mum and dad and they both had no clue. Finally the lazy ass brother woke up and walked into the room and said, "It's from me lah. You think Santa really came and left you a gift is it?"
But...
But...
:p
Just made Christmas brownies that weren't very successful. Still.
Merry Christmas everybody!
As of the second year of my cousin tradition, I'm high on caffeine again. What's new? :)
Coussie and I were out for a wee bit to walk about and I got stared at
a lot. I'm gonna get used to this whole staring scene soon. Please, people, stare at me. I love it. Not.
Merry Christmas!
I feel like I've done more today than I've done in the last 5 days. Or maybe the shopping was more satisfying the previous days. But hey, I meant in terms of constructive work. :p
Let's see...
- helped mum with laundry
- changed the bedsheets for me and bro
- experimented in the kitchen with bro with beef patties and eggs (oh yeah we were trying to make sunny side ups yesterday. complete failure. It's tough!)
- watched 5 episodes of Laguna Beach on the computer and 1 episode on MTV
- wrote 4 more christmas cards today
- filled up the huge container outside with water to water the plants. trust me, it took 3-4 times of filling up the pail from the kitchen to the balcony.
- cleared half the shelf on my table
- filled up a huge recycling bag with books
- called up juniors to ask if they want my books - none.
Why does NOBODY want ANYTHING? Should I really throw all these hard work, these notes away? Trust me to be
kiasu enough to accept all the seniors' notes. I just realised I never referred to any of them at any point of time. They're just taking up space under my bed. UGHH.
By February, my room should be spick and span cos I'd have finally managed to throw out everything possible.
I'm so tired but I can't wait for tomorrow. *innocent*
Oh yeah I'm actually getting into the Christmas mood. Been singing a lot of Christmas songs, have plans with coussie on Christmas Eve and perhaps do some Christmas cookies on Christmas itself! HOLLA!! ;-)
And then I'll most likely see everybody again on Tuesday when I have to go back to school to select subjects. That'd be cool, I miss everybody! My only complain is to have to put on that uniform again. I thought I'd have rid of it already! I mean yeah a weeny teeny bit does miss that uniform but heaven forbid, I don't like wearing it really. lol
It's the eve of the eve of the eve of Christmas! How cute! I officially turn 16 years and 4 months. :)
A point to make. I usually get disappointed when it's something
I've done, or something
I organised or suggested that didn't turn out as good as I wanted it to be. Yes, me me me. When it's something that is someone else's responsibility, I usually don't have as high expectations as I do on myself, thus I usually don't get disappointed otherwise. Even though I aim low most of the time, I do actually have high expectations of myself, it's just that people can't tell sometimes. Okay I'm done with the point I needed to make.
Moving along, I was bunking out last night away from the comfort of my bed - oh the soft cushions and mattress, the abundance of clean water, the isolation from strange creepy people and places. No doubt it wasn't as fun as I hoped for it to be, it was a really nice experience sharing time with people. I had a lovely time lying on my back, gazing at what is supposedly called a starry night in Singapore with an extremely golden yellow glowing moon. (Don't correct me, I know we see the moon cos of the reflection of light. I choose to call it the glowing moon here.) It was a pretty sight. It was creepy though cos I'm a wuss when it comes to hanging out outside when it's extremely dark and there are lots of trees around. My imagination can kill. If I'm to go to the toilet alone, I imagine looking at the mirror and seeing more than just me in the reflection. When I'm in the cubicle, I imagine some random door clicking open or close though nobody seems to be the culprit of the actions. When I turn on the tap, I imagine some
thing creeping up from behind with a rope to strangle me while I wash my hands.
Second point to note, I should never ever watch horror films.
So there, I am a wimp. :)
Anyhow, I had about an hour or so of sleep tops. I had a hard time making my eyelids not shut back immediately when it's open. I was yawning away, somewhere between the conscious world and the unconscious one, somewhere between dream and reality. But by the afternoon, I was like *snap* awake. I still am right now, and it's almost like I had double shots of espresso or something. Thing is, I didn't. So it's extremely odd that my body isn't screaming at me for depriving it of sleep. Hmm. I think I should sleep for 12 hours straight tonight. :p If I were studying and had only that little amount of sleep, I would
so be grouchy right now and demanding sleep right away. Funny how holidays twist your body reactions.
Last night was nearly like how it felt on the last day of the O's, crashing at Brenda's place. It was that bad, wide awake. I think I suffer from insomnia when I'm away from home. Or maybe I just can't live without my bed.
And I never knew Pasir Ris beach forbids swimming in the sea. Hmm.
Despite the slightly uneventful night, it was so laidback, it's almost like I haven't been out and feel this laidback in ages. It feels good. It feels like I'm on a holiday, and I haven't truthfully felt like that since the holidays began. While it really was a lovely night and I truly liked the feeling of it last night, I just wished it'd been better. Still, even though I was so deprived of sleep, I would do it again... it's just gonna need a whole lot more planning. :p
And when I returned home today, I found 3 cards lying on my table. Oh bless! I LOVE receiving stuff by mail. Heh. I'm just gonna have to rush through this stack of unwritten christmas cards. So gonna reach everybody late. Erp. And in 5 days advance, Merry Christmas!
My mum nagged at me multiple times yesterday to read the papers on the anorexic teens - 5 of them, I think, from respectable schools and well-to-do families. She reminded me numerous times as well that they look really ugly because they're all skin and bones and they actually have the money to feed themselves but they refuse to. They either starve themselves or they make themselves puke everything they've eaten - what a waste of good food. It's worse than not finishing your food. Think of the people in Africa, they would die for a pinch of those food. And here they are, eating them and puking them out thereafter!
Of course I won't deny that I don't finish my food all the time. I'm just trying to make a point.
Anyway I'm not saying screw the looks, just eat all you can. I mean we all base our self-esteem on how we look at least a certain percentage of the time. But there must be better ways of a diet. Besides..
v. di·et·ed, di·et·ing, di·etsv. intr. - To eat and drink according to a regulated system, especially so as to lose weight or control a medical condition.
And not, "skip all your meals, don't digest
anything." That would probably be under
suicide but I wouldn't know cos I haven't checked it. *raise eyebrow* I mean, hey I'd gladly pinch my flabs and whine to everybody that I need to lose weight and have someone ringing at my ears that goes "EXERCISE, YOU FAT PIG" than go through such a suicidal act. Thank goodness for these brains of mine. I love you, brains!
And seriously, when you're skin and bones like those pictures show, they actually think it's cool to post it online and encourage one another to be anorexic?
Puh-lease. Seriously, not cool. You guys need counselling.
I mean, yeah it's tempting that Jessica Alba was anorexic too.
But she definnitely has a toned body. That means she's gotten out of it, has regretted it and started hitting the gym. Otherwise there is
no way she can get that toned bod that guys die for.
And while her bod is hard to reach for me, I'm just gonna aim to be like Kelly Clarkson.
She may be flabby on the arms and whatever, but she has toned abs to show off. She's not ultra slim but she's proportionate and can pretty much carry off any sorta clothing. I'm not aiming to look like any celebrity though. Just that even role models have to be properly selected. :)
Kay, I'm done preaching.
Had some sort of a Christmas dinner on Saturday, which was superb. Went over to my mum's side's relatives' place. We had turkey ham, sausages (which were superb!), roasted chicken, etc and even a logcake which was ohmygosh-ly delicious! But as always, I found myself only talking to my brother cos I'm not close to that bunch... which was kinda sad cos for a while I used to visit them a lot, and play with the little girl. Now she's grown up a little more and probably doesn't remember how we used to play a lot then. Ah well, life goes on.
And then there's the other cousins, one of whom is of the same age as me and everybody would compare us in terms of everything. Every flippin' thing. Then again, on the other side, I get compared with anybody of any age so that doesn't make a difference. But on this side, I get compared with her a lot. In terms of academic, school, choices, height, diet... for a long time she was a heck taller than me. I think I caught up a little bit... a litttttle bit. Compare us in terms of diet cos she ate lots of greens and I was allergic to greens... or maybe not. Maybe I just detested the sight of greens but hey I eat them now. And her brothers were a bunch of monkeys and now everyone's matured and in control of themselves! WOW! Gosh, people do change.
I wonder if they think I've grown to become more antisocial...
Merry Christmas ;-)
I'm currently typing on this really weirdly shaped keyboard that's really nice to type on, glancing upon this mega huge and wide monitor screen wondering what the hell I'm doing. :)
This morning I woke up at 8, wondering if I should go jogging but what's new... I'm too lazy to. So I just got online, waiting for my msn list to slowly fill up with schoolmates online eager as hell to check their PAE posting. I was terrified because the devil inside my head wasn't making me feel very good about myself. I had a funny feeling I was gonna be posted to the school across the road which isn't bad at all but I don't know of anyone who's aiming to get in there. Furthermore I can see my house from school and that gives some sort of stress to me. Sounds weird, I know. But somehow I wasn't that keen on getting there anymore. But I had a feeling my results wasn't good enough!
What was worse was that when I was ready to see my results, the screen kept saying the results would be available on 16th Dec from 10am. And when I wasn't ready to see the results anymore, people kept flocking online to tell me the results are already out. Bixia was trying to make us check the results together by clicking at the same time and what not but I was such a wuss. In the end she told me she's gotten into TJ so finally I took a hugeeee breath and clicked the "submit" button staring back at me for ages and found myself overjoyed with the results. I screamed and my brother nonchalantly went "Ssssshhh..." and went back to bed - that annoying bugger. I delightedly told my mum and jumped for joy as she gave me that sheepish grin cos she knew I wanted to make it there.
And the best part of it is, I realised how many beloved people are going there too. :D My worry about surviving the next year is slightly less. Only slightly. Still not looking forward to school. Still not looking forward to the new year. And not looking forward to having to make new friends and wonder which of them I can actually trust.
It sucks when you gotta make new friends and find those you can trust. I mean it's easy to make friends casually. When the sociable soul within reveals itself, I can make friends easily okay. I just need the mood to wanna talk to people. BUT, it always takes a hell damn long time to figure out who you can rely on, who you can continue hanging out with and who you can't. And waiting isn't what I enjoy, really.
But with the bunch of people who are entering the JC with me, well... they're just gonna have to make do with the clingy ol' me for a while. HEH.
I am still glad. :) Can't believe I made it. I actually did!
I know this is a few years late but it's never too late.
I had a slight overdose of the Matrix the other day, I'm beginning to think this might not be the
real world we're in. Are we? How would you know if it's the truth?
What is the truth? Can we make a choice?
What is a choice? It's merely what sets the rich apart from the poor.What is the matrix?*cough*
Okay I preferred the second movie to the first because there's a complete mix of everything. Action, humour, romance, and a whole bunch of complex story behind it. Action scenes can blow your minds off and the humour just sticks with me. It's such cold humour that is so my type. If there's one thing I'm gonna complain about the movie, it'd be the language they're speaking in. What? English? I KNOW. Even the Victorian English is way more pleasant on the ears. The people in the Matrix (no, I mean the movie) speak in roundabouts. They speak in circles and never, ever come straight to the point ever.
Like the creator, for all that's holy, never ever comes to the point.
Yes I'm sure you have lots of questions for me. Some of which I may have answers to, and some I may not. (WELL DUH! Without you telling me that, I already know it.)
But the fundamental question, the main question that is at the top of your head that you want the answer to, is something you may not realise, but is most obvious. Translates: Your first question is gonna be rubbish, think twice before asking.
And another thing to complain about is how it really is straining to the brain. The whole time I just sat there busy digesting everything. At the end of it, I think my brain's saturated with all its twists in the facts. Not twists in the story because the twists began right when the movie started anyway. Oh the prophecy! But the twists, well I kind of like them. I kind of like the entire story. It's so confusing, I like it. There's so much to think about. I'm learning not to question
WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON? in the midst of the movie pretty well because the answer lies ahead most of the time. But if I do question that at every point, I'd be pretty much repeating the question a gazillion times.
I do really, really, really like the action though. It's so cool my belief in superman is diminishing as it is taken over by The One. What a cool superhero! He can do everything! He doesn't even need to recharge using the sun's energy. Except he can't do them in the real world. Or... can he? I need to watch Matrix Revolutions. Oh and why does everybody need a pair of shades that's entirely black? And a suit entirely black to go along with it. Those huge coats replace the red capes found on superheroes - aha! But of course, I knew that!
I'm not very good at reviewing movies, am I?
One Fine Artistic Afternoon
I had my masterpiece sent around today cos I was so proud of it.
And these are my ever grateful commenters.
I love my new widescreen monitor!!! says: no commentMarcus; ~ says:whats that?audwee? couch tomato says:not bad laha mark made by love is a scar --it was when i really tot bout it tat i dunoo who i love-- says:can be better :X
OH MY GOD.
Did I mention I'm REALLY proud of it? Like extremely, extremely proud of it? I'm a freaking amateur artist and I was about to say, call me The Artist.
2 words: WAH LAUUUUUU!!!!! (Translates: What the hell!!!!!!)
Seigey, please come online, I'm begging you!
Well, fine. Go get a picture of Cyclops and try drawing. It's tough OKAY. Damn this thing.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm gonna find a better pastime that would actually
boost my ego.
[Edit]
Seige said it's "cute" and it's "nice".
HA! EAT THAT!
I knew I should've asked her first.
[/Edit]
Saw II is sick. It's sick! I think I prefer the twists in the first movie but this one is pretty well developed. Or maybe I'm saying this because the previous movie I caught was Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire. Ha!
I cannot imagine how anyone can just guffaw or go, "COOL!" at any of the scenes unless they're of the opposite gender. HAHA (that was SO a sexist statement.) There is a lot, a lot of blood. And it's also pretty much my first horror film in the cinemas. Yet it isn't really horrific it's just gory and bloody and sick. A lot of times I just went, "Oh shit!" or "Oh no no no!" trying desperately to cover half the sight I can see. I mean, I do try to cover my eyes but I'd peek through the fingers. But I was forced to watch
everything instead. :p Pah.
Bowling. *crosses finger* I met Bixia, Zheya, Maryo, Esther and Ain today to bowl. I organised it! HAHAHA. Turned out to be a flop. I mean bowling was
really fun, if you saw Zheya's exclamation in the previous comment. If you read Maryam's blog, she's lying cos I wasn't being a spoilsport by not participating. I DID participate, you dodo. And I wasn't looking at eye candies though there were obviously a lot, like Zheya said. For some weird reason on a freaking Tuesday.
Okay let's just say it's been more than a year since I went to that particular bowling alley. Apparently Casper came and took it away and transformed it into a stinking smoking karaoke bar. First thought that came to mind when we arrived at that level,
it stinks. We all know how much I hate that smell. It's the only thing I curse at, for real, and never want to take it back. :) It stinks. And the level above it had been transformed into some LAN Gaming place which we have zilch interest for.
Did I mention my organised gathering was a flop? I did? Oh, that's funny I don't remember. It was a flop. But hey, I had fun. It was the talk as per normal. :p All that stupid silly teasing and gossiping... and whacking but hey I get whacked all the time. Friends. Brother. Relatives. I'm like everybody's punching bag. I've conceded defeat ages ago.
We went to Library@Orchard cos the one at Tampines has like one eighth of the comics they have there. Or probably one tenth. Randomly took some to bring home to read. We were just walking about, pointing one another's fingers and blaming me cos it was a flop. Still, they want another gathering. Hahaha! How interesting these people are. Oh and we made a pact to forward the results of the first 3 months to everybody so we all know where everybody's going. I really hope we all end up together *sigh* And I had free coffee cos we were playing
pass the coffeecup and nobody wanted to finish up the Toffeenut Latte which wasn't too bad. I very much preferred it to the Peppermint Mocha. EEEEEEEEW. Zheya thinks it tastes like colgate. HAHA! I think it just tastes REALLY weird. It's like a mix of mouthwash and toothpaste and coffee. Peppermint's not my type, really. But my brother
loves it. He drank it for 3 days in a row, I think. Eew.
We were also discussing what I can do for the rest of my holidays cos most of them have gone to / are going to go abroad. Be it Malaysia or not, I was so jealous. I haven't gone anywhere out of this island! They tried to think of ideas to make my Christmas not sound so sad even as everybody goes away.
Like Elise is in London, Jiawei's in Switzerland, Audrey's soon going to Vancouver and god knows where, Nadine's in Penang, Maryam's gonna be in KL, but hey that's good enough. Some people's buggering off to Batam. Bixia just came back from Genting with her darling and has been living off Sentosa for a while. Esther just came back from the US of A. Sharon's going to Thailand. Brenda's going to Japan. Maryam was desperately trying to convince me to just take the family to go Malaysia so that I can safely say I've been out of this island this holidays. I suggested that to my brother a longggggggg time ago, way before the O's ended. Doesn't look like it's gonna happen though.
Oh yeah I just got my mail for getting the EAGLES thingy. (edusave awards for achievement, good leadership and service) Now if I can just transform the $150 to $500... let me go look up the spell for it. *grin*
Okay...
Fine, I shall stop being greedy.
Was so exhausted yesterday I was falling asleep by 10ish. But I didn't lay out my pillow and blanket and stuff cos I didn't wanna sleep so early. Turns out my body wasn't really listening to me. I was like,
NO! Sleep at 12! But the body went '....z...z....zz...Z...ZZZ...' so I turned in by 11ish. And I went swimming on Monday which was fun cos I haven't swam in ages. Here's why I can't ever, ever get a tan besides the fact that my granny wants me to be fair forever.
In the morning it was super sunny. Clear blue sky and all. By afternoon, it threatened to rain. Then the sun came out again so my brother suggested swimming. When we went, I was predicting how long it'd take before it'd rain. So the whole time we swam, it was basically just grey clouds and more grey clouds. When we left, the sun came out. Shining and shining down on us. Why, thank you, Mr Sun, I love you too. Now I'll never get tanned.
PS: I just realised that this entry made me sound like a 5 year old.
I've been kinda moody lately because whenever I'm home, I'm lying on my bed figuring out what to do.
1) I worry about wasting my holidays away. I have 3 weeks left!
2) I worry about the next time I'm going out, whether it's gonna kick up another commotion.
3) I worry about coming home when I'm out, cos the past few times it's always a lot of arguing.
4) I worry about being grounded some more.
5) I worry about being complained about.
But mostly it's #1 to #3 in a cycle. And that sucks cos that's not how a honeymoon period, ie after O's, is supposed to be.
And to make things worse when you're mad about something else you get a bit more fiery at everything else. Okay I'm not the one who's mad but you get the point. It gets worse than ever.
And I seriously have nothing to do at home. When my bro's home, he hogs the computer. When he's not, that's all I've got. Yes I've been reading books but there is only so much you can read. I'm not the sort who reads the entire day away! Yes I've tried helping my mum as much as I could. I wash dishes. I help a little when she's cooking. I help to fold the clothes from the laundry. These are, however, all done in the evening. So I have an entire afternoon. And there is NOTHING to study for. I wish most of the times I were out. But when my mum asks me out, I don't wish to go out cos it'll jeopardize my chances of going out the next time.
That stinks. I wish for a better holiday. And soon everyone's gonna desert me on this island. Poo. I'm beginning to miss school for that reason. Cos I'm never alone then. For the great start of the holiday I never missed school. For a really boring duration, I do miss school now. Ugh.
[Edit]
Upon reading Zheya's entry... *sniff*
*whine*
I miss school. I wanna go to school. I miss the block periods before O's. When we were all nutheads wondering when we'd ever get serious. I miss school. I miss recesses.
I miss you all. I misssssssssssssssssssssssssss school.
[/Edit]
Harry Potter And The Goblet Of Fire
My 2 cents worth.
I'd give it like 3.5 out of 5. That's kinda sad for a Harry Potter film. Well, I personally thought it was a good story. Good film in a way. Plot's fabulous, no wonder why the book's selling well. Story wise it's awesome. Graphics wise it puts the mediacorp chinese serial on at 7pm every weekday to shame. Downright shame. That one has animation as good as (or worse than actually) that of the Powerpuff Girls. But graphics wise for Harry Potter it was really good. I thought the morphing, the surroundings and stuff were good as usual.
However, the scenes were too rushed. It was so eager to tell you the beginning of it, the middle of it and the end of it for the sake of it. Just to cover all grounds as largely as possible. Like how it begun, there wasn't even 5 seconds of the Quidditch world cup. How odd is it to show them entering the stadium with glee and the next thing that happens, it's the post-match period already?
I'm with Elise on this one - Dumbledore is WAY too outraged in this show. Dumbledore is meant to be fatherly. He wasn't fatherly
at all to anybody in this show. He was too anxious, too fiery and too out of control of his temper, his shoutings. I want the old Dumbledore back! He keeps doing swift moves and all the "SILENCE!" it's unlike him. He used to be always calm and composed, cool as a cucumber, nothing can take him down or worry him. Too much tension.
Next, every single scene of Harry Potter is of him taking deep, quick breaths. I mean I heard about Harry Potter being more fiery as he grows older but this isn't getting more fiery! It's getting more anxious with every single scene. And again, if each scene wasn't so quick as to show the beginning and the end, the deep breaths wouldn't be so emphasized. It's like, scene 1, Harry taking deep breaths. He's lost sight of the gang while everyone was running. Scene 2, Harry taking deep breaths. He's been chosen. Harry taking deep breaths. He's running. Harry taking deep breaths. He's under attack. Harry taking deep breaths... you get the drift.
The entire movie just leaves you like digesting and digesting there wasn't much that kept you in suspense, dying to figure out what happens next. There were
OH NO! moments, there were
OUCH! moments but there wasn't much of
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN!! moments. And to make things worse, I predicted the ending. I usually don't manage to predict the endings for the previous movies. And no, I've never read the book. Any of them. So that was kinda sad.
Though on the whole, I mean the scenes chosen were pretty wise I think. There wasn't much that I'd think this scene or that should be deleted and replaced with this other scene. I just thought if they stretched the movie longer to a 3 hour film and gave some scenes a little more development it might've left a better and deeper impression.
Oh yeah Hermione seems to be undergoing puberty. She's always shouting! I know she's always tensed up but she wasn't as shouty-ish as she is now. I thought, anyway. I don't blame her though. I wouldn't be as half as calm as she is if I were her. Ron is the same old mental guy. Harry's still
The Wizard (adaptations from The One). Cedric Diggory IS cute, now I see the point in everybody's ogling. And Cho Chang is really pretty. All the sites set up against the actress must've been reeeeeeally jealous fans. She's cute! Her accent was a little distracting but I thought she fits the role.
Hmm... actually it was pretty satisfying to know I predicted the ending correctly. Okay I digress.
Nonetheless, I thought the film was good. Kept me entertained. Oh yeah and the bit where Harry bawled and bawled - brought tears to my eyes but wasn't enough to make me really cry. I cried at the first movie okay! :p The measley bit where he flipped open the book with photographs of his parents carrying him while he was a baby? I cried! Gosh me. But anyway the bit Harry was bawling was really heartwrenching. I can't take it when people cry like that. :(
Oh yeah, this is random. After 6 years, I've finally caught The Matrix. Heh.
There's only 6 cubes of the chocolate bar left. Shit. Nevermind I feel better now.
Last night was hilarious. I was tired so I couldn't stop blabbering. Had a primary school gathering (BBQ! I haven't had a BBQ in like a year!) and it was really funny and fun and lame for most parts of it. But still fun. It's amazing how everyone got together and chat like we were in school together just yesterday. But it's been four years apart and we still click! Despite there being 6 guys and 3 girls, it was still darn fun. The ever uncanny jokes, lame jokes and dirty jokes that got us laughing either at the jokes, at the people who made them or at how unfunny it actually is.
And MAN! It feels weird to have this whole bunch of guys around again. A lot of them are aiming to go where I am aiming to go to, too! Maybe we'll be classmates again! That'd be quite something! It was also nostalgic the way we bullied one another. Some jokes never die. Some names were still made fun of 4 years later. Some guys were still teased to pair up with some girls to date. While I said some people never grow to mock the guys who are still the same old, they tell me some people never grow to mock my height. Damn those people, I'm not that short! I... I'm not! I've grown taller than my primary school best friend! :p Still fatter than her cos she shrunk but her mum and her said I've lost weight since the beginning of the year. My senior at prom told me I've lost weight too! The people who see me more often just don't appreciate that. Hmpf. You can go on talking about how fat I am, I can just rely on those people to make me feel better. *sticks tongue out*
I swear the people really haven't changed. Some of them are as serious as ever. Some as quiet as ever. Some as talkative as ever. Some as lame as ever. Some as giggly as ever. We're still the geek all-chinese class. They were talking about global warming in the middle of dinner! I rest my case. I tried to drag some literature people out to talk about whatever is left of literature but to no avail. They took both literature and geography so no matter what I wouldn't win it.
AND the guys started making sexist jokes and I was like, "Well, that's because GUYS are..." then paused. They started looking at me and I went, "Forget it, I just realised I'm outnumbered." HELLO? Twice the number of guys? I don't even wanna talk about a guy versus a girl in terms of strength. I do NOT want to be thrown into the pool either. Thank you.
Oh yeah we were the all-chinese class in our school. That's why in sec 1, for a while I felt weird like I had to watch my surroundings making sure I left noone out if I spoke in Chinese. But who am I kidding, since when do I speak Mandarin? :p Yeah one of the guys told me I have an English accent and that it has gotten more powerful. I was like thank goodness cos I'm useless in Chinese anyway.
Back to the geek thing, they started discussing some O's paper in the middle of dinner. I had to repeatedly remind them it's over and we should NOT talk about it. Then they'd go on to talk about the JCs to apply into. :p Gosh. My environment. But it was either that or really cold lame jokes. Maybe, just maybe, sometimes I prefer them to talk about all the academic stuff. :p
We went on up to my primary school best friend's condo only to find out she has a spankin lovely christmas tree! (Seige! Imagine my reaction!) I insisted on taking a picture of the tree on my phone and the guys were so kind as to get out of my sight. Hahahaha. They played cards for a while and we tried to steal the remote and switch channels. Finally we settled on watching a VCD and I caught The Pacifier for the third time except I had to spoil it for them when I told them I had to go after the first disc. But everyone decided to leave too, so it wasn't my fault. The coolest thing was that most of us alighted at the same station when we took the train. And 4 of us took the same bus home. The 3 guys lived so near me I didn't even know it! It hasn't been that way for ages, being able to go home with people taking the exact same bus. It was almost like I got sent home. :P It was really cool! I mean, I know this is so minor but it's always me taking the bus or train alone all the way till the end. Suddenly you have a whole lot of company, it was really, really cool! The great thing about primary school friends - bound to live around the same area. :p
And just a while ago I was still talking to them on MSN, by golly, we're still teasing each other about the same thing we did 4 years ago. And some of them have bullied me 4 years back. Except now I'm equipped with a little more wisdom, confidence and sarcasm, I throw back a lot of sarcasm and teasing it's almost equal now. COOL. :p
Maaan those were the days. Primary school was fun. I wonder if it'd be this case as well, meeting secondary school friends 4 years later and still be able to click as well as we did. That'd be really awesome.
I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I hate it when my surprises get ruined.
I hate it. I freaking hate it.
Not when I finally decided to take the risk.
Not when I decided to make the sacrifice.
We all know how long I take to make decisions.
I hate it I hate it I hate it.
I don't care I'm gonna gorge on chocolates now.
Song: Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me
You know it's weird when the sole reason that's making you think right now is because of some Scrubs episode. No it actually isn't just
some episode. It's Scrubs Season 1 Episode 16. Not that anybody cares. No actually I do. Oh my gosh I'm sounding like Elliot. I should stop watching Scrubs for a while.
Anyway it was an episode about letting go, about your ability to let off all that's troubling you inside and uncap the bottle of emotions you feel inside and let it all flow out till it's empty before you start letting it fill up again. And I guess my way out is to give it a good cry. It obviously helps when you hear a comforting voice at the end of the telephone line. There have been weird moody moments when I just cry without a single clue why I'm feeling that way. But the other times, it could be because I got pissed off badly or horrifyingly disappointed. Annoyed, frustrated and any other synonyms you can find.
I mean it isn't anything surprising since it's so typical, it's almost ordinary. And everybody goes through a phase like that with its variations. But it's amazing what a listening ear can do. It really is. It's especially cool when I think it's the first time I've actually broken down to cry my heart out and curse my way through and let off steam to someone. Sure I'm introverted and sure I do curse at people to vent off anger but I guess I never really got the chance to talk about why I'm pissed or what I'm feeling. Kinda embarrassing huh, not having someone there to cry to for 16 years of your life. I mean yes I've cried on
a few shoulders before. (And boy it really is few.) But crying and cursing is anybody's ability. Being able to listen to it and provide sufficient comfort and support isn't. I received that, plus several attempts at trying to make me laugh, empathy and the sound of concern.
And for that I really, really am thankful. Did I mention I'm thankful? I am thankful. Did I? Okay, enough.
Sharing joy is chicken feet. Sharing sorrow and anger isn't. And maaan, the latter is tough. I always had my barrier up. I like to be seen as jovial, perky and bubbly little bouncy one. Always living up to people's expectations, always happy to be life's ambassador, going about telling people to live life to the fullest. That's what they call a brave front. Ironically not really brave to me. Is it really a brave act? Is crying the action of a wuss? Is being a toughie the best way out? But time took the barrier away. It smashed it into fine pieces and I'm glad. I don't know why but I am glad. I am so glad I wish the other people around me who are cooping themselves up within the walls they built on bricks on their own would attempt to smash it down for someone else to reach out into them and help them too. You don't always have your way but there are chances to take.
And something I learnt from J.D., you don't always like the outcome of the risks you take but you're always glad you took them.
I don't make sense all the time but I'm this sure this post would make sense.
Wow this post sure has a ton of hidden meanings.
I've either been rejected straight to my face without a conversation taking more than 5 minutes, or through the phone, or being told that they'll "call back" and then anxiously wait for that important precious call that could mean money for the holidays and get none. Oh don't you just love the anticipation!
If I get none by tomorrow (still optimistic somehow) then I'll go begging my cousin to take me in and give me work to do. Otherwise, nobody gets christmas presents this year. Haha :p
Dear Santa, please grant me a job. And my wishlist is pretty long this year, you can slowly take your pick and just grant me like 80% of it. :p
