ramblings, basically.

Song: Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me

You know it's weird when the sole reason that's making you think right now is because of some Scrubs episode. No it actually isn't just some episode. It's Scrubs Season 1 Episode 16. Not that anybody cares. No actually I do. Oh my gosh I'm sounding like Elliot. I should stop watching Scrubs for a while.

Anyway it was an episode about letting go, about your ability to let off all that's troubling you inside and uncap the bottle of emotions you feel inside and let it all flow out till it's empty before you start letting it fill up again. And I guess my way out is to give it a good cry. It obviously helps when you hear a comforting voice at the end of the telephone line. There have been weird moody moments when I just cry without a single clue why I'm feeling that way. But the other times, it could be because I got pissed off badly or horrifyingly disappointed. Annoyed, frustrated and any other synonyms you can find.

I mean it isn't anything surprising since it's so typical, it's almost ordinary. And everybody goes through a phase like that with its variations. But it's amazing what a listening ear can do. It really is. It's especially cool when I think it's the first time I've actually broken down to cry my heart out and curse my way through and let off steam to someone. Sure I'm introverted and sure I do curse at people to vent off anger but I guess I never really got the chance to talk about why I'm pissed or what I'm feeling. Kinda embarrassing huh, not having someone there to cry to for 16 years of your life. I mean yes I've cried on a few shoulders before. (And boy it really is few.) But crying and cursing is anybody's ability. Being able to listen to it and provide sufficient comfort and support isn't. I received that, plus several attempts at trying to make me laugh, empathy and the sound of concern.

And for that I really, really am thankful. Did I mention I'm thankful? I am thankful. Did I? Okay, enough.

Sharing joy is chicken feet. Sharing sorrow and anger isn't. And maaan, the latter is tough. I always had my barrier up. I like to be seen as jovial, perky and bubbly little bouncy one. Always living up to people's expectations, always happy to be life's ambassador, going about telling people to live life to the fullest. That's what they call a brave front. Ironically not really brave to me. Is it really a brave act? Is crying the action of a wuss? Is being a toughie the best way out? But time took the barrier away. It smashed it into fine pieces and I'm glad. I don't know why but I am glad. I am so glad I wish the other people around me who are cooping themselves up within the walls they built on bricks on their own would attempt to smash it down for someone else to reach out into them and help them too. You don't always have your way but there are chances to take.

And something I learnt from J.D., you don't always like the outcome of the risks you take but you're always glad you took them.

I don't make sense all the time but I'm this sure this post would make sense.

Wow this post sure has a ton of hidden meanings.

posted by sh @ 3:34 pm