ramblings, basically.

Song: Gin Blossoms - Follow You Down

See what holidays do to you? They deprove your self-disciplinary level to zilch so even if you set your mind to complete 2 Chinese essays in an entire day, the most you can do is one, even though by right it should take you only about an hour. They make you completely addicted to the computer. (Or at least me.) And worst of it all, it gives me too much time to think. That always leads to something bad. :p

Today, it just hit me. I found myself pondering, am I actually antisocial / unsociable?

Perhaps I'm just extremely selective with my group of friends. With certain people, I practically have the role of being a "listener". So if you ask me, what do I talk to them about? Well, nothing really. I just listen. It's kind of odd.

If I'm with not-all-that conversationalists, what I'll be facing is awkward silences, while I pretend to look around as though there're tons of interesting sights.

And with others whom I DO talk to, it's all daily routines, so what's going on with me, what I've been doing, etc. While I'm quite opinionated, or so I think I am, I don't tell people about it. (Hence, the blog, thank god.) It's possibly only my cousin, whom I can tell about issues I think is right or not, whether this or that is crap or not. Maybe it's because I know her way past the judging-one-another stage. Maybe it's because I know she's likely to agree with me, or just think nothing of the topic. I don't exactly like to say something whereby people would start making a huge hoohaa of it?

But it's quite sad, to know that I only confide in one person. And because I gradually can't be bothered to tell others much apart from daily routines, I don't fit the bill of being 'articulate' or 'opinionated'. It doesn't bother me however, hence I'm beginning to wonder if I'm antisocial.

All that being said, it isn't true that I dislike the company of others though. I do. I love it, in fact.

Thing is, let's face it. If I haven't met a friend (even a good friend) for a week, I'd just ask how that person is and vice versa. If I haven't met my cousin for a week, I'd have truckload of stories to fill her in with, sights I've seen, my thoughts, what irked me within that week, what I'm looking forward to, my worries, etc. That's the difference. Huge margin eh?

I wonder if I should be worried.

That aside, I AM worried about the rate I'm going. I don't think I'll be able to complete my homework PLUS study AND revise in time for the block CAs. Funny how some people don't believe me when I say I have been slacking like nuts. There must be too many people around who say they've been slacking but haven't, leading to those misconceptions about me. Tsk.

posted by sh @ 8:10 pm