ramblings, basically.

Song: Fall Out Boy - Grand Theft Autumn (Where Is Your Boy)

[Warning: The following is of a touchy issue. If you're not comfortable reading about discussions on this, skip this entry.]

I'd been wanting to talk about this since Lianne's entry on her beliefs.

As many would know, I'm a Buddhist. Born into a Buddhist family, Buddhist relatives, everything, everywhere. I guess I would classify myself as a Buddhist "in name". I'm like that because I was born into it. I'm like that because the people who bring me up taught me this way. All my 15, soon-to-be 16, years of life, I've wondered if I were ever fit to be in this religion. I knew so little about it. I knew nothing about the Gods and Goddesses we worship in this religion.

And the root of this Buddhist custom that I'm following is solely because of my granny, who's supposedly the most staunch Buddhist in the family. Even so, she takes beef. So I don't think people'd classify her as being a staunch believer either. I know I wouldn't.

And trust me when I say this, I've tried praying like a Christian. To their God, with their ways of prayers. I've said, "Amen". I may not have been to a church but I certainly am confident enough to say I know enough to pray like one. (With all these evangelists around, are you kidding!?)

[Note to Christians reading this: I do not consider Christians as evangelists. Only that I've encountered enough around to piss me off. I've seen enough people who would try to convert me despite knowing I'm of a religion nowhere near Christianity. I know not all Christians are like that, cos most of my friends aren't. And thank you for that!]

To add to that, I've heard a fair bit of questioning about Christianity. I'm not sure if I can strongly believe in something with all that suspicions going on about it. I'm easily influenced, everybody knows that. If something isn't right, and especially the people I'm closer to have questioned it, it's certainly not something I can jump in and defend it.

But even without all that, I've come to wonder, how can anyone believe so strongly in a mere... 'belief'? Is there really a need for religion around? Or need for different religions? I suppose all my life I've been praying to this supernatural being my mind has created for me. And the sole reason for that is to comfort me in times of fear, panic and anxiety. Just so that there's someone I can worship, and say, "God, help me get through this (shit)" and feel better after that. [Of course those in the brackets are optional.]

If you look at it that way, however, wouldn't the universal God I'm referring to replaceable by the people around you? If I had someone to confide in all the time, or someone I know would calm me down and pull me through the shitty times, tide me through hard times, I don't think I would be praying.

[Though being the superstitious person as I am, if a bad time occur once again after a long period of not having to pray to anyone, I would think, perhaps I've sinned cos I haven't prayed regularly. But I'm darn sure if I weren't that superstitious, I wouldn't have cared.]

And to think about it, yes I haven't prayed in a long time. I've had new people to confide in to. I've fully utilised my handwritten diary. I've opened up to quite some people. Perhaps I could remain religion-less, in my own world. Perhaps it is true that people turn to religions only when they're scared. At least for me it is.

posted by sh @ 7:46 pm